Everyday Systems

Considering the roots of my struggles with excess weight, I came across this study today. It certainly made me think.

http://www.acestudy.org/files/Gold_into ... Graphs.pdf

Yes, I think our childhoods can really impact us. First we don't remember most of it, well okay maybe the really bad stuff..but what about all the other stuff we don't remember, like no one building your self-esteem, or your dad leaving and moving out of state when you are only 3..now I always wonder the impact that had on me. Won't go into it, but I know that I have tried thru the years to change to the person I should be, or wonder why I'm so darn unsure of myself at work, jada, jada..

I think I've pretty much come as far as I can go at 54...I've learned to live with it.

My food addiction I think came from many reasons, a family of 9 there was deprivation, over the years of emotional neglect food was always the source of pleasure for me...

k, I'm off the pity pot. I used to get angry when counsolers would say, okay what is your background, then never wanted to talk about it, but how I could change for today...ya who is there to tell one how to heal..we have parents for a reason, to help us during our formable years...

sorry for the spellling here and there

I remember being underweight until my mid-20's. When I married (young) I weighed about 145 lbs. At about 30 I began powerlifting and some Olympic weigtlifting. Just garage stuff, but I put on upwards of 70 pounds over the following 8 years.

I personally think my obsession with gaining weight was having been so slender through my youth. As a senior in h.s. I cantracted giardia and dropped to about 120 pounds at one point.

Now, at the ripe old age of 47, I'm thinking I overdid the "artificial" weight gain by quite a bit.

debrabuf wrote:Yes, I think our childhoods can really impact us.

I think I've pretty much come as far as I can go at 54...I've learned to live with it.

My food addiction I think came from many reasons, a family of 9 there was deprivation, over the years of emotional neglect food was always the source of pleasure for me...

k, I'm off the pity pot. who is there to tell one how to heal..

Hi Deb,
you raise some points that really seem important to me. One thing I was concerned about, that the study I cited could leave people feeling pretty well doomed to remain overweight if that had been an unconscious self-help strategy.

The author of the study didn't explore whether there might be any successful strategies for dealing with the effects of a painful history. You allude to counselling, I've done some of it, I know some others on this forum have too. Attempts to address emotional eating get mentioned from time to time, mostly as an unsuccessful approach to weight issues.

Despite counselling not always living up to the hopes we have for it, I remain optimistic about psychological growth and healing. I recently began a re-exploration of a valuable therapeutic/self-help approach called focusing and came across this:

“Every bad feeling is potential energy toward a more right way of being if you give it space to move toward its rightness.†–Eugene Gendlin, Focusing

Focusing shows a way to be aware of our difficult stuff in a kind, healing way - not self-pity, but not denial or giving up either. It is a way of getting the processes of life free and moving again, so at 54, or 60 or whatever age, life can be an ongoing unfolding story, still full of learnings and surprises. If you're curious, this is one useful web-site :http://www.focusingresources.com/index.html
There are some good free resources on this and other sites, no need to spend more than the cost of a book to make a good start with it.

I have no financial or professional interest in focusing - I just like it and thought it worth mentioning.

best wishes to all

Hi Graham, thanks for the link..I will surely check it out.

“Every bad feeling is potential energy toward a more right way of being if you give it space to move toward its rightness.†–Eugene Gendlin, Focusing

Makes sense to me, once the emotions start in action sometimes that is all one can see thru, in my case that is. Most of my worries/fears never come to pass. Funny my first husband, which I married young at 17, did a lot more damage then my upbringing. Took me years to get over that one, but my current husband pays the price of my being very untrusting. That is one thing I might not ever get over. Try as I may, when those emotions imagined or not come to life, sometimes very hard to stop them.

But I will surely check out this site! If I could learn to focus on the present might help a lot. Thanks.