Everyday Systems

I had a really really bad binge yesterday ( it was a saturday). I feel like I should confess what I ate so that I'm shamed into not doing this again.

Had normal breakfast, and lunch, then went to Starbucks, shared half a cinamon bun ( this was ok, because it counted as my S-day treat), then went home, munched on some salted almonds, had dinner, then ice cream for dessert.

Then my friend called so unexpectedly ended up going out. This is when it all started going downhill. Drank far too much wine and came home very hungry. ( i always get hungry when inebriated). Had half a veggie burger, some fries, then one slice of toast, four slices of pizza ( called for the pizza when i got home, then realized I didn't want it anymore, tried to cancel it but they wouldn't let me so had to eat it anyway). Then I felt soo bad about having the pizza, that had some chocolate and two cereal bars.

Shameful, I know. I felt soo bad this morning when I woke up partly due to the food and partly due to the hangover.

Btw, I'm not overweight/obese by any means and this is not a regular occurrence. My BMI is about 20. But I'm only 5'4" and eating all that food makes me wonder where it's all going to go, because I'm certainly not tall enough to need that much food.

Worse thing is I went to the gym yesterday morning too. I feel I kinda cancelled out all the good rewards of my gym session and probably all the NoS-ing of the week. Makes me depressed...

Now I feel like I shouldn't eat all day today because I just ate enough for about one whole week.

That's a hard place to be.

My own tendency is to try to "make up" for such lapses. But it's better if I don't do that - the attempt to "make up" usually leads to me putting unreasonable restrictions on myself, that I can't live up to...so it all goes downhill for there.

It works better if I just say "I messed up" and start over instead. That means eating a decent breakfast to start the day off right, and focusing on a successful day.

Reinhart's podcast on "strictness" has a great section about how strictness does NOT include "retribution" that I find very helpful.

Also, I read an article on "change" where it talked about how a normal step in the change process was to recognize failure "after the fact." The point was that most of us beat ourselves up for our resolution-slip, when in fact seeing the difference between what we meant and what we did is a NORMAL stage in learning to make different choices.

Hope some of this is helpful. Hope you have a better day today.

Hey, there's nothing to confess. You're allowed to eat whatever you want on S-days. You CAN'T fail. And I think once you fully process the fact that you're free, you won't binge anymore -- because bingeing is a reaction against restrictions, it comes from resentment. You're appetite just hasn't fully processed yet that there AREN'T restrictions on S-days, there's nothing to resent.

A great strategy for dealing with this kind of behavior is NOT to add extra restrictions, but instead to actively reward yourself with something extra nice on S-days. It's counterintuitive, but very effective (and pleasurable). Preemptively treat your appetite to something nice and planned and it's far less likely to opportunistically revolt and demand whatever garbage is at hand.

Above all, as KCCC says, don't try to "make up" for this excessive S-day by punishing yourself with new restrictions -- that's feeding into the bingeing mentality and setting yourself up for cycle after cycle of this.

Instead, calm down, resolve to do no more (or less) than keeping your regular minimum level of compliance with the No-s rules during the week, and start planning a nice, preemptive treat for your next S-day. Determine moderation is the cure, not a counter-extreme of deprivation. And after a while, a surprisingly short while, I think, if you're consistent during the week, this pattern of moderation will start to carry over into the weekend -- unconsciously, without any extra rules.

The biggest danger of an excessive S-day like this is NOT the extra calories, but the potential that it will either provoke you into a destructive, tit-for-tat cycle of self-revenge, or discourage you from keeping up your weekdaily moderation because you feel like you'll undo it on the weekends. Build those moderate No-s habits during the week, reward yourself with freedom and pleasure on the weekends and the urge to binge will go away. It won't undo anything because it will cease to exist.

Reinhard