Eveninglightwriter's Daily Check In

mestahl · Post by **mestahl** » Thu Apr 10, 2014 11:53 am

GoT - My weekend pleasure - We go over to my mom-in-law's and watch it together and sometimes I bring a dessert and now thanks to No S - I can do that because Game of Thrones comes on Sundays. Definitley makes things much more enjoyable.

Boy I've been hungry this week - I don't know what's up with me.

Breakfast and lunch were my ususal
Dinner : I made a pizza with mushroom, red pepper, and sausage. I also had half an orange.

Who knows what is causing my hunger this week but I've definitley had an appetite.

automatedeating · Post by **automatedeating** » Fri Apr 11, 2014 3:19 am

ELW, that is EXACTLY what happened to me!! I was about 6 weeks in to NoS and my appetite went wild. I just loaded up my plates big time and it went away in a week or so. Actually, I think I just went through another appetite thing. I just eat a lot at my three meals, and it's all good.

I really believe NoS helps me contain (and notice) my appetite urges. I bet I still had those before NoS, but probably just snacked my way right through them, gradually gaining weight.

eschano · Post by **eschano** » Fri Apr 11, 2014 8:09 am

I certainly have up and downs when it comes to my appetite! Just load up your plate, realise your body needs slightly heavier meals for now and go for it. As soon as you don't feel that hungry for your next meal anymore ease up again. At least that works for me!

mestahl · Post by **mestahl** » Fri Apr 11, 2014 11:34 am

Strawberry Roan - Doesn't it feel good though to be hungry enough to tear into your dinner? I used to eat a large snack when I got home from work and then an hour later eat dinner - so basically two dinners a night - no wonder I go so fat!

mestahl · Post by **mestahl** » Fri Apr 11, 2014 12:08 pm

No - really - it can't be Friday can it? I've already set my S cap for a trip to a frozen yogurt place and finally those jelly beans sitting on top of my fridge trying to taunt me.

It was a nice week although I had a sort of a set back this morning when I was trying on some clothes for work. Normally I wear a uniform but today I am in civillian clothes and I have so many nice things but nothing fits. I was about thirty pounds lighter when last I bought work clothes

I felt so angry at myself- I felt like just sitting in the floor and crying. So I have my staple of late a tight fitting blouse covered with a loose baggy sweater and hope and pray to the good lord above that someone doesn't say "are you pregnant?" at work. Im not but wow what a terrible feeling that would be,

I've just been so hungry this week I don't know what's up - I'm starting to think that I'm just imagining it. I feel like my hubby and I are in a food rut this week - nothing has really tasted good or been what I really wanted.

Okay I'm getting off my pity pot as my momma would say - I need to stop worrying about minutia and get the big picture here - I'm in a really great place - I've never been able to stick to anything this long and I feel like I have a really healthy attitude towards food.

eschano · Post by **eschano** » Fri Apr 11, 2014 12:36 pm

ELW, you are doing great! Don't let the clothes discourage you.

As for the hunger: often people misinterpret thirst with hunger. Are you drinking enough water and herbal tea?

I wonder if part of the reason for permasnacking in the past was that I just didn't feel psychologically very satisfied from my taste-less meals. Now I'm downloading recipes from left right and centre and have only great-tasting take-out:)

Don't let diet-head trick you into emotional eating- you are amazing and you are taking brilliant steps to soon fit into those clothes again!

automatedeating · Post by **automatedeating** » Fri Apr 11, 2014 1:54 pm

ELW, I make sure my meals are yummy, even if they are not super healthy. That may not actually be the best approach, but I do believe it's helped me resist "deprivation" attitude and the subsequent red days that could follow.

mestahl · Post by **mestahl** » Fri Apr 11, 2014 2:31 pm

You know I'm so proud of myself I now have 2 pages on my thread and I didn't see your messages until now - thank you thank you thank you...really just when I get discouraged and I want to eat my weight in jelly beans one of you beautiful people say something that encourages me.

I am going to resist the urge to beat myself up over a heavy plate - it is what it is - I'm just hungry. I think mainly I'm trying to compensate thanks to my diet head accounting.

In the end I'm feeing myself healthy, nourishing meals and not binging on junk.

mestahl · Post by **mestahl** » Mon Apr 14, 2014 11:45 am

This weekend I got on the scales and realized I'd lost almost 5 lbs. I was very happy. That is nearly a pound a week since I've started.

I had a very good weekend - a bit of the setback in the clothes department. I ordered pants for work - got them and they didn't fit - same size I was wearing but these are verging on way too tight to be professional. I was so upset - my sweet husband just hugged me and told me he didn't think I looked like I'd gained any weight. When I got on the scales the next morning and saw my weight loss I felt better.

I had those jelly beans and they were not that good. I had frozen yogurt on Saturday - ditto for not being that great. I had little ice cream on Sunday and it was okay. I don't know - sweets just don't call to me like they used to - I think I want them but when I get a mouthful I just think its okay. I want to focus on good desserts - not just junk just to be eating it.

LAM - Instead of killing myself this weekend I decided to clean my house next weekend - puts me off schedule by a week but I needed the rest.

automatedeating · Post by **automatedeating** » Mon Apr 14, 2014 1:16 pm

I have become very selective in what I eat for desserts.

. Before NoS, I'd just eat them if they were available. Now, I often find myself noticing sweets available at work, and thinking, "that would not taste great,and afterwards I'll wish I hadn't had it." And boom, temptation gone.

mestahl · Post by **mestahl** » Tue Apr 15, 2014 11:24 am

Eschano - exactly - if you don't eat sweets all the time you do start to develop a more refined palate for lack of a better word. I have a theory and I don't know if I am correct about this but I think eat processed foods especially candy and cakes and basically any processed sweets really mucks with your sense of taste.

mestahl · Post by **mestahl** » Tue Apr 15, 2014 11:37 am

Yesterday was Monday and between the dismal heat that has set in at work and wearing tight work pants (until they can get my bigger size in) and it just being Monday I was in a funk. I came home - ravenous and had my Monday small glass of cold milk and tried to calm myself down.

B - Cereal, Banana, Granola, and Strawberries, milk, milky coffee
L Sandwich, chips, yogurt
D homemade broc and cheese, oven roasted potatoes, salad with my famous lemon yogurt dressing, and a grilled lamb chop, 1 strawberry for dessert

Tons of water and an herbal tea before bed.

LAM : I finally put a work order in for the heat and instead of just wearing the tight work pants and suffering I put in an order to have them replaced because I shouldn't have to sit at work in tight pants.

eschano · Post by **eschano** » Tue Apr 15, 2014 1:03 pm

Great LAM and happy you managed your ravenous hunger! Well done! Those days are tough and it's great to build the willpower to hang in there.

mestahl · Post by **mestahl** » Wed Apr 16, 2014 11:27 am

Tuesday was far easier than Monday. It was cooler in my office but still sub-tropic style humid (to the point that the pages of books on my desk were curling up). I have two easy days of work left and then hello 4 day weekend!

B - Cereal, Granola, Milk, fresh strawberries, banana, milky coffee
L - Sandwich, chips, and a few cubes of good havarti cheese
D - Pasta primavera

Tons of water and an herbal tea

I managed to get my exercise in which meant making myself get on the eliptical and making myself stay on it for 15 minutes. Right now I'm not too worried about the length of time I stay on it - I'm more concerned about just making it a habit.

MerryKat · Post by **MerryKat** » Wed Apr 16, 2014 11:32 am

ELW well done on the exercise. I am in the same boat as you - what and how much is not the critical factor, the establishment of habit is.

I must be honest that after 7 weeks of aiming for 3 days exercise a week, I miss it when life intervenes.

automatedeating · Post by **automatedeating** » Wed Apr 16, 2014 12:25 pm

Congrats on 15 min on the elliptical--getting in some moving.

mestahl · Post by **mestahl** » Wed Apr 16, 2014 12:52 pm

In terms of exercise I have had the hardest time of it. I don't move around very much at work and by the time I come home from work I'm just exhausted. Vicious cycle - no energy from lack of exercise - too tired to exercise. I've never been an athletic kind of person but I do like to move - I just have so many other things I'd rather be doing. So - I try not to be so hard on myself when I don't get a chance to hit the elliptical at home. Before I started No S I was on that thing for 30 minutes mainly 5 times a week and I hated every second of it. Now I'm on it at least 4 times a week at 15 minutes and I can still get some things done when I get home and I try not to stress it if I just don't have the time in the evenings.

mestahl · Post by **mestahl** » Thu Apr 17, 2014 11:27 am

Yesterday was easy. By Wednesday I am a No S Champion - What snack? I don't don't need a snack! I could care less about sugar and seconds - no way. By Wednesday I am at the height of my No S powers and I have the S days in sight.

B - Cereal, Strawberries, Granola, Milk, Banana, and milky coffee.
L - I wasn't very hungry at lunch but had my usual sandwich, chips, cheese cubes
D - Homemade salisbury steak, kale, and brown jasmine rice.

Tons and tons of water, a beer, and herbal tea

Exercise : elliptical for 15 minutes

As I gear up for Easter and all those glorious jelly beans and chocolate eggs I'm going to try my hardest to avoid going off the rails so to speak - my hubby's mother still insists on giving his grown self an Easter basket chocked full of candy so I'm approaching the weekend with a bit of caution.

automatedeating · Post by **automatedeating** » Thu Apr 17, 2014 1:30 pm

Hhahahahahahah that is hilarious that your hubby gets an Easter basket. A very loving southern mamma.

And remember, don't judge yourself harshly this weekend. They are S Days after all! But I fully agree that you need to have a strategy for getting rid of candy and/or hiding it or making it inaccessible by Monday morning!

mestahl · Post by **mestahl** » Sat Apr 19, 2014 2:47 pm

Yes - and she still gives him a stocking at Christmas with oh about half a trash bag full of candy. Normally I would have not stopped until I had the whole thing eaten down - I take a pile of candy as a binge challenge but thosew three lbs of jelly beans given to me have lasted 2 weeks in my house which is a miracle.

So I chose to veer from No S on Thursday and Friday. On Thursday I helped at a luncheon at work and had very little time to eat and had a few bites of salad I will be happy to report I did not have cake but by the time I got home I knew I needed to have a snack and so I hate a peanut butter on toast.

My hubby's grandpa is quite ill and his family gave him a birthday party on Friday and so I took one for the team and had a small slice of cake.

I am going to try to be sensible. Since my hubby's grandpa is so very ill we have cancelled our to trip to my family this weekend and so I don't need to bake a dessert. Instead I'm just going tol try not to lose my mind over the pounds and pounds of candy my mother in law will no doubt give us.

Everyone - have a great weekend.

automatedeating · Post by **automatedeating** » Sat Apr 19, 2014 3:05 pm

ELW, At the grandpa's BD party, you could have declared that an S Day or even an S event. It's reasonable to take a couple "non-weekend S Days" each month. That way you don't have to take a red day and start to normalize it. I think that's a slippery slope.

Have fun!

osoniye · Post by **osoniye** » Sat Apr 19, 2014 5:19 pm

Wow, Eveninglightwriter, I know a lot of people who show love though giving/preparing food, but your MIL seems to have it all narrowed down to CANDY!
Glad you were able to have a piece of cake in honor of your hubby's grandpa's birthday... that seems like a worthy event.
Hope you can feel good about enjoying the MIL's candy gifts without going too far overboard on Sunday. (Sounds like you managed it with the 3# of jellybeans. Wow, that sounds like a lot of jellybeans!)

mestahl · Post by **mestahl** » Wed Apr 23, 2014 11:38 am

Back from the dredges of the candy landfill.

Some things I realized over the weekend:
1) My mother-in-law thinks she is being nice and thoughtful by giving us a trashbag full of cadbury eggs and my husband sees no problem with this so in that respect I am totally outnumbered.
2) If I don't exercise I start to feel sore and achey
3) After visiting my husband's grandpa twice over the weekend I can safely say nursing homes are depressing even the expensive ones
4) I almost enjoy Mondays more than Saturdays

I can be honest here - I didn't have a ball this weekend. That's okay - life isn't always going to be a blast. I had to add two N days to my already N days. Well I won't call them N days per se - N moments really. By Sunday my old friend heartburn was back and I found Monday and Tuesday hard. I'm noticing I'm up to my old tricks once more - the tasting while cooking but really eating. I keep saying - what are you up to lady - to myself but once I get on the snack/sugar/seconds train it is hard to get back off.

I wish I could find a nice way to tell my mother-in-law that an Easter basket for a 31 year old man is not cute especially when there is so much candy I have to empty it into a trash bag at home without creating World War 3 but I think it would be best to let my husband do it.

automatedeating · Post by **automatedeating** » Wed Apr 23, 2014 1:09 pm

ELW--send the candy to work with your husband (or at least some of it every day...)

And, yesterday I couldn't do my regular walk, and I was all sore and achy by bedtime. What's up with that? But, maybe it's more normal than I realized.

mestahl · Post by **mestahl** » Wed Apr 23, 2014 2:07 pm

Automated - thanks for the suggestion! At Christmas it is wayyyy worse - she gives us two garbage bags full of candy and I told my husband that next year it is all going to be donated to a food pantry or shelter and I meant it.

I feel a bit silly being like this over candy but you wouldn't give an alcoholic a 12 pack of beer and think its cute.

I exercised yesterday and I felt so much better

mestahl · Post by **mestahl** » Fri Apr 25, 2014 12:24 pm

My husband's grandpa passed away last night.

It has been a whirlwind crazy week. I'm going on like 10 hours of sleep over the past two days. I'm very tired. I've had two unplanned cake experiences - I've had to deal with the desire to dive headfirst into a basket of candy.

I realize that things won't calm down until after the funeral and so I have to accept that food wise I will just do the best I can. I need to learn to stop being a perfectionist and start being human - unplanned cake is going to come along and I'm going to know in the moment when the appropriate answer will be :yes or no. I have to learn to trust my instincts.

Other than that I've been plugging along normally.

automatedeating · Post by **automatedeating** » Fri Apr 25, 2014 2:01 pm

ELW, it's like your husband's grandpa hung on until after his birthday party!
My thoughts are with you while you deal with this family loss.

I've seen many on this forum find stability in the routine of NoS during stressful times, and I hope that is what happens for you.

osoniye · Post by **osoniye** » Fri Apr 25, 2014 2:48 pm

Hi Eveninglightwriter - I'm sorry to hear about your husband's grandpa's passing. It's nice you could spend some time with him recently.
It sounds wise to trust your instincts during this difficult family time. Things will be back to normal soon. (Is this the father of your candy-giving MIL, or the other side?)

mestahl · Post by **mestahl** » Fri Apr 25, 2014 4:41 pm

Thank you automated and osoniye for your kind thoughts.

This is my husband's paternal grandfather so not my m-i-l's father.

The funeral isn't for a few weeks so I'm looking forward to getting back on track before I and sideswiped by the all encompassing dinner after funeral experience. Here in the south when a person dies - everyone in their brother brings over a covered dish for the family. So there will be many many temptations but I am ready for them.

eschano · Post by **eschano** » Sun Apr 27, 2014 9:46 am

Sorry to hear about your loss ELW! Don't worry too much about NoS - just try not to overdo it and get right back to it once everything calmed down. Being there for your husband and his family is more important now.

mestahl · Post by **mestahl** » Mon Apr 28, 2014 12:06 pm

Eschano - wise words as usual - thank you.

mestahl · Post by **mestahl** » Mon Apr 28, 2014 12:14 pm

The title of this check-in should be : Why I tried a mod and then why and how it failed.

So I tried the sundown on Friday to Sundown on Sunday S day mod this weekend.

Not a good idea because I ate way more than I would have normally done. So yep - I need to stick to plain vanilla No S or I am pretty much going to mess up and eat too much.

At least I know now thanks to the experiment this weekend that No S Plain Vanilla fits me much better. I'm looking to forward to a plain normal week ahead of me.

automatedeating · Post by **automatedeating** » Mon Apr 28, 2014 1:31 pm

Funny, funny!

Well, your attitude is great about experimenting with a mod that isn't going to be ideal for you. Onward!

osoniye · Post by **osoniye** » Mon Apr 28, 2014 1:32 pm

eveninglightwriter wrote:The title of this check-in should be : Why I tried a mod and then why and how it failed.

Heh, Eveninglightwriter- I really could have used that title a while back when I was trying the "Floating S Days" mod!!

mestahl · Post by **mestahl** » Wed Apr 30, 2014 11:32 am

I have been seriously struggling with my N days since Easter. It just doesn't take much for me to derail and then I feel all sorts of guilt and anger.

Last night for example - my poor husband had to listen to me rant about the amount of candy we were given over Easter and Christmas and after I finished he asked me quietly well what do you want me to do about it?

This morning I feel that old guilt creep in - its my responsibility - I'm the only one who can control what goes in my mouth but once I get going it is so very hard to stop that train.

I don't want to be stuck in this patten anymore. For one thing, I'm just tired of feeling ill from eating too much particularly candy and sugar related treats. I almost feel like I need to fast from desserts and candy just to step back and cleanse my palate but I know that doesn't work.

I'm trying to approach this morning - very fresh and new and sparkling (we had rain last night) as a fresh start - yeah I've struggled this month but I feel like I am doing better than I did in December or January. When I comes down to it I'm still way more concerned about my weight than I probably should be.

Thank goodness April is almost over.

automatedeating · Post by **automatedeating** » Wed Apr 30, 2014 1:27 pm

Hi ELW,
*The past is in the past. Mark your red days and move on. Don't beat yourself up about them.
*Plan for success today. In my opinion, in your situation, I recommend a big ole' garbage can for all that candy. Get it out of the house so it can't tempt you anymore.
*And then take a walk because there is no place on this green Earth that is as gorgeous as NC in April.

*And, CONGRATS for sticking with it, despite having yucky guilt feelings and being discouraged. I am convinced that so many people become disheartened with their lack of perfection, and then just can't take it anymore and leave NoS.
*So good for you to vent on here. That's what we're here for!
*With NoS, success is just a meal away.

Hang in there! You're awesome and I love having you on this forum and I'm sure you'll get through this rough patch and look back on it and see it for what it is: a minor blimp in the establishment of long-term eating habits.

mestahl · Post by **mestahl** » Wed Apr 30, 2014 3:03 pm

You dear automated are 100% absolutely right - I'm such a bloody perfectionist - how many other things in my life have I let go or not completed because I couldn't do them perfectly?

Right now is really all that matters - this moment. I've let a lifetime of moments go past blaming others, blaming myself, throwing excuses up. I just want to live now - enjoy life because this is all we get - right here.

I do feel better and yes NC right now is just gorgeous although today humid and soggy.

Thank you so much for your support .

Diligence · Post by **Diligence** » Wed Apr 30, 2014 5:27 pm

eveninglightwriter wrote:I have been seriously struggling with my N days since Easter. It just doesn't take much for me to derail and then I feel all sorts of guilt and anger.

Last night for example - my poor husband had to listen to me rant about the amount of candy we were given over Easter and Christmas and after I finished he asked me quietly well what do you want me to do about it?

This morning I feel that old guilt creep in - its my responsibility - I'm the only one who can control what goes in my mouth but once I get going it is so very hard to stop that train.

ELW, I think we speak the same language of sorts in this area. I've found over the years that there are certain foods or celebratory occasions that trigger my appetite in ways that are challenging to control. You can do this--you can change the pattern and create new habits that enable you to feel (and take!) a measure of control that you've not felt at other times. You're already taking those steps right now!

Hooray for you!!

eschano · Post by **eschano** » Thu May 01, 2014 9:17 am

I don't know if you were like me pre No-S which was me continuously stuffing my face until the Easter candy was gone. So the way I see it that every meal period you don't do that (so I count breakfast to lunch without snacks, lunch to dinner, dinner to the next morning as the meal periods) is a little win as it's a different habit not to do that. If it's hard to get back on the wagon: just keep on doing it plate to plate every day as everything you manage to do is better than nothing and then you will find that suddenly you have green days and green weeks again.

Edit: I should have also said: I am surrounded by sweets and snacks every day. At the moment we have two easter eggs, 3 or 4 easter bunnies and a truckload of chocolate from Austria. I know the struggle, it's much harder than not having it around. However, I don't have more than 1-2 fails per months usually and I love being able to be around sweets on the green days as I think this is more realistic if you don't live alone. However, if they really bother you that much: allow everyone to keep one thing and unload the rest on friends/neighbours/colleagues.

mestahl · Post by **mestahl** » Thu May 01, 2014 2:12 pm

Thanks you guys - Yes Easter candy or any candy in bulk is viewed as a personal challenge to try and eat as much as I can. I'm also a sneak eater in some weird twisted way I think if no one sees me eating it then it doesn't count so I sneak food. I seem to have the worst time with those little miniature candies - you know "fun" size. So my husband has asked his mother that if she insists on giving candy to only give him a few high quality chocolate bars. I use those and make better quality more fulfilling dessert on the weekend and then pawn them back off on her

mestahl · Post by **mestahl** » Thu May 01, 2014 2:24 pm

Yesterday was far easier than Monday or Tuesday. Yesterday I felt good and I was plain vanilla all the way. Yesterday I tried to quiet the negative mean girl in my head that keeps yelling hey fatty all the time.

I exercised, I laughed with my husband over dinner. It was a good day thank goodness. On my way home my mind was going a million miles a minute and I kept noticing how negative I was to myself. I decided to be aware of those moments and try to counter act with a good thought about myself.

My LAM for May is going to be to get out of my head and back into my body. Whether that be through exercise, dancing, moving, walking, and doing something artistic - creating something with my body. I need to stop being my own bully and I am going to work on doing just that.

Happy May ya'll!

eschano · Post by **eschano** » Fri May 02, 2014 10:09 am

Oh, well done for coming up with a solution for your candy problem. I know what you mean with fun size. It's like snacking for me - way too easy to lie to myself about how much I ate. One 100g bar chocolate is harder to reason away.

Also, great LAM! I have to say, my voice has changed tone for the most part now and has become quite kind. It's been a ferocious battle though involving lots of LAM.

mestahl · Post by **mestahl** » Fri May 02, 2014 12:02 pm

Yesterday was another good plain vanilla day. It was also date night and so I took my hubby out for his favorite thing in the whole wide world: wings.

If I could only recreate the joy in his face when they brought out that platter of 20 perfectly portioned and sauced to the max chicken wings. It was like watching a child at play - he was so happy and while I'm not the biggest fan of them I enjoyed my ten happily along with a very good side salad. We had a very nice evening. I'm really so lucky - B and I knew each other for 10 years as really good friends before we even started dating - he's my best friend. It's amazing to me that he can still straight up make me laugh until I cry.

As for my LAM - I danced an entire twenty minutes last night. Don't ask me what kind of dancing it was - probably modern dance but more of an artistic collaboration with my body. I can't really explain it and it sounds quite silly to see a largish 30 something woman galumphing across a room like a drunkard but I enjoyed myself immensely and worked up quite a sweat.

mestahl · Post by **mestahl** » Wed May 07, 2014 2:18 pm

The hubby and I have been busy planning our garden this year and so I've been blissfully busy making plans and ordering supplies and consulting books about vegetables. The weekend was moderate thank goodness and the mountain of candy has been nearly conquered thanks to some judicious cleaning out on my part (hello garbage)

I have been sticking with plain vanilla although last night I tasted far too much while cooking - one of the last problems I am trying very hard to conquer thanks to No S.

So right now - even with all the normal day to day stress of life - I think I'm doing splendidly. I feel good and I'm staying active - this is an absolute miracle.

automatedeating · Post by **automatedeating** » Wed May 07, 2014 8:45 pm

Lovely, positive post, ELW!

mestahl · Post by **mestahl** » Wed Jun 18, 2014 5:37 pm

So I'm back.

*takes a deep breath*

Somewhere between my husband's grandfather passing and holidays and our anniversary and getting our garden going I neglected my posting here. Posting is my form of accountability - my check-in.

As far as sticking to No S - I've tried but I feel I could do better. The longer I went without posting the more I veered from the rules and the more I veered from the rules the more I felt out of control. Today I looked at the Weight Watchers website and pondered going back but then I realized that never ever ever worked for me and when I stick with No S - weight started coming off.

So I'm back to being proactive - starting right now.

Also I have an iPhone now so I really have no excuse for not checking in.

eschano · Post by **eschano** » Wed Jun 18, 2014 9:12 pm

Yay - welcome back!

automatedeating · Post by **automatedeating** » Thu Jun 19, 2014 1:45 am

ELW! I've missed you!!!!!!! C'mon, admit it, you've just been glorying in living in North Carolina and too busy admiring your AWESOME state to post.

Strawberry Roan · Post by **Strawberry Roan** » Fri Jul 18, 2014 8:20 pm

Welcome back. I so agree that when I post here (especially what I eat and whether or not I exercise), I do so much better. I am totally honest about everything so I know that if I have to post something really horrid, it will be right there in black and white. It truly does keep me accountable!

Again, welcome back.