lbb's official daily check-in

[lbb (Liz)]

Thanks for all your support, KL, oolala, NOSRocks!

Today, since there's no way to fail, I guess a success.
Oats (though I was NOT hungry).
Church
Got home around 2pm and started "dinner". We were eating around 3.

A little pasta, salad, a roll.
Enough. So tempted to have another roll, and finish my boys' plates. But didn't.

Neighbors brought over some treats about 6pm.
Had them.
Made these cute pretzel/HUGS/M&M pretzel bits that look like bunnies with my boys to take to neighbors.

I had about 10 of these bad-boys. Yes, 10. They were SO "pop-able". I find once I'm in "that mode", it's hard to stop and then the "okay...eat all the other desserts before you decide to stop" mind comes in.

I get weird about hurrying to give it all away, or have it eaten. Heaven forbid my kids get a treat tomorrow in their lunch!

We sent away a few plates.
Then I dug into a Hershey Symphony Bar that had been saved for an S day awhile back. I sat to eat it almost out of "duty". I was eating and eating and really not enjoying too much. Feeling extremely gluttonous. Of course I kept eating. Until the final bite. I DID leave a square and threw it out. That's SOME progress. Though really, it was drudgery in a way....almost a "must-do" to eat it.
Interesting observaton.

Regardless, it's Monday tomorrow. Looking forward to greenS! Veggies! 3 plates!

[lbb (Liz)]

Monday Green Success Day
I really like eating the same things day to day on N days.
I think since I'm letting myself get hungry enough, I just want to be satisfied.
Oats breakfast.
Gym: stair, elliptical, treadmill with friend
Walked kids to school

Lunch
Spinach, feta, tomatoes, tzatiki
Sprouted toast, avocado, hummus, laughing cow, hummus, turkey
Yogurt

Dinner
About the same as lunch, but I added chicken meatballs for protein
Spinach, avocado (nothing better than having ripe avocado on hand!), feta, tzatiki, chicken
Sprouted toast, laughing cow, hummus

I'm realizing I eat a lot (not in quantity, but variety) of dairy....a little feta, a little laughing cow, etc. It adds so much flavor and fulfilling-ness (not a word I know). Ah well. There was a time I'd worry about it, but now I just want to enjoy my food.
Carpe diem!

[oolala53]

Did you see the discussions on either of the willpower books on the main board? Both of them make reference to the what-the-hell effect. It' s very powerful and pervasive. It's that "I've already failed, so I'll fail more" line of thinking. It is one of the pivotal differences between those who keep weight off and those who don't. Successful LONG TERM losers/maintainers said they learned to stop mid-stream during an overeating event, or soon after. Most of them had made the mistake many, many times before they realized they had to change it, but it took a long time of kind of being in the middle: recognizing the importance of the behavior and actually performing the behavior often enough to make a difference.

POI re: dairy. The French eat more dairy than the other Mediterranean countries and have lower incidences of heart disease.

I have definitely found that small amounts of nice fats make a big difference in satiety, and if you ask me, satiety is the name of the game.

[lbb (Liz)]

Thanks oolala: I'll check out those posts re: the books. Great afternoon reading...!

Thanks for your thoughts on dairy. Yes, I look for satisfaction. Because nothing leaves me jones-ing for more than unfulfilling meals. Flavor comes with a little fat, no?

Thanks for your insight, as always.

[KL]

Yes, sooo important to enjoy one's food. We all know how it can backfire and kick you in the fanny if you don't.

[lbb (Liz)]

I got home tonight from making homemade pasta (yes, from semolina+egg, to rolling it out, stuffing it with pumpkin and butternut squash, squeezing it together, etc. etc.) at 11:30 p.m. (Appreciate homemade ravioli, people!).

I hadn't had lunch (or any food) since 2pm. What?
We didn't eat our pasta. I threw mine in the freezer for a later (very special) time. Because we'll leave town soon.

Came home and it could have been a perfect binge scene: all asleep. Dead quiet. Tummy rumbling.
But I spooned myself up leftover pasta from Sunday.
More than I would normally have had. But one plate. No veggies (too tired for that).
Sad down, enjoyed, done and done.
It's now midnight and it's weird to have just eaten and to go to bed, but I know if I had not eaten anything, my tummy would have kept me up all night and mentally I wouldn't have been satisfied.

Proud of myself. This could have been an epic fail.
But I was so busy/distracted/having a great time at my friend's, I didn't even notice my hunger.

[Amy3010]

Wow - good for you - I totally get the way it could have been an epic fail, coming home late at night and hungry. That has always been a very dangerous time for me, too!

[NoSnacker]

Thanks for stopping by my thread...

Sounds like you had the perfect day as far as not giving in to the moment that was rip for a binge!! Good job!!!

p.s. love raviolis...i love pasta too....

[KL]

Yay The fork was in the road, and you choose the one to achieve mental satisfaction. Well done.

[NoSRocks]

WELL DONE FROM ME TOO, lbb!

Home made ravioli - OMGosh, that sounds to die for!!

As someone who can't even be bothered to boil an egg, I really admire folks who do their own cooking!

[Sinnie]

Wow, so proud of you! I am not sure I would have been able to do that. I love making homemade pasta, but I haven't quite mastered it. Maybe because I use regular flour and not semolina. Well done!

[lbb (Liz)]

Thanks, guys. I feel good today and am SOO glad I didn't wake up to the binge bloat/taste. YUCK.

Yes, why don't you all come over to enjoy the butternut/pumpkin ravioli?


NoSRocks: I do a little cooking, but last night was out of my league. The time it took to make these was insane. I'm fine buying SOME things!!

[lbb (Liz)]

N day Success

Gotta be honest, though. Tempted to "fail" tonight.
I have this compulsion (as mrs. practical) to use up every fresh ingredient and to challenge myself to NOT have to go to the store before a trip. We leave Saturday.
So, my boys had quesadillas and zucchini and chicken meatballs. Random, huh?

Breakfast: Oats
Gym: One hour of cardio
Lunch: Spinach, feta, avocado, turkey, ff balsmamic
Sprouted toast, hummus, laughing cow
Yogurt

Hungry and tired before dinner (not lots of sleep last night)
Basically ate the same thing for dinner, but I had roasted some zucchini.
Added zucchini to the spinach and chicken meatballs and just a dollop of cottage cheese.
And sprouted bread/hummus/laughing cow.

I think it's easy to eat the same things everyday because it's predictable on what combinations exactly will fill you up and satisfy you.

Tonight, I just needed a crunch somewhere but couldn't figure out where to get it.
And man chocolate sounded amazing. Sheesh! But I just reflected on my habitcal and how well I've done and how green it is and so I eat chocolate....then what/??!?!?!? What's the point?

[NoSRocks]

Good for you, lbb on resisting the chocolate. This evening, I made a batch of fudge for the weekend -- since I was bored - now that I have made it, the temptation to nibble on it is STRONG! BUT.... I did manage not to eat any of it and even cut it up and put it away in a tin - out of sight, out of mind. The kids will eat most of it but I will definitely have some over the weekend. Haven't made fudge in a long time.... its one of my 'trigger foods' and i suppose I should know better!

[Sinnie]

lbb you sound exactly like me "Mrs. Practical" - I do that all the time!!!

[snapdragon]

You are doing so good with establishing a habit.
So happy for you!!!

[lbb (Liz)]

Thursday: Green Success!
Thursdays are always my toughest, so I'm glad it's over.
I'm really grateful for No-S as it has other mental benefits for me that overlap in my life.
For instance: yesterday it was my turn to host "co-op" with lots of kids at my house for a good portion of the day.
I had so much energy and can focus on the kids more since I'm not focused on food. I know when I get my meals and that's it.
In times past, I often would bake cookies for/with the kids, but really to give myself something to binge on...basically "remove myself from a stressful situation."

Another benefit of No-S I've noticed: I LOVE the light feeling. AND I'm waking up with MORE energy. In times past, my little early bird son would come in and I'd feel bloated and sick and not want to get out of bed.

But now I feel light and can (most of the time) easily wake up.
LOVE IT.

Something to remember for my S days to keep that feeling!!!

Thursday:
B: Oats
L: Salad with turkey and avocado, Toast with Hummus, cheese
D: One piece of pizza, cashews, salad.

I'm glad i listened to my body last night. My mind said, "don't have a piece of pizza and cashews are too fatty."
But I remembered the unfulfilled feeling I had the night before from not eating what I wanted.
My body needed a change-up and something to really satisfy me, esp. being a Thursday (my hardest day).

Now I need to come up with an S-day plan for this weekend. Our vacation to California starts tomorrow (SPRING BREAK!) and I don't know if I should make EVERY day an S day (but allowing one) or what.
What do you all do who are go on vacation?

Thanks for all the support. Man I love you all!

[dmarie710]

where in Cali are you going? Congrats Liz, on how well your doing. I really enjoy your blog also.
Denise

[snapdragon]

Whenever I am on vacation I usually follow no s unintentionally, just because we are out and about. We might have dessert with dinner or have candy in out room at night, even if we are renting a house with a full kitchen. If I am on a busy sight seeing vacation...no problem, if I am on a relaxing by the pool beachy vacation there are usually more snacks involved but I try and combine them with a meal.
I guess I try to at least stick to the structure of three meals, and if I have a dessert or a treat it is directly after a meal just to keep some order.

I hope jabbering made some kind of sense.

[lbb (Liz)]

Thanks for the input! I think I will do just that. 3 meals with the occasional treat. No stress.

Denise! So great to hear from you! We are going to balboa island Newport beach. Can't wait! I'll wave to temecula a we fly over it!!

take care!

[dmarie710]

that will be really fun. Hopefully our stormy weather right now will be a thing of the past when you are here.

[NoSnacker]

ya know i can so relate..i was the oldest of 9, so when my mom would get her food stamps on the 1st of the month, we had plenty..a bag of oranges were gone in a day, and rarely seconds, ever...i remember eating mayo sandwiches, actually like them today, but don't eat them too often...my mom did her best for sure, but a lot of mouths to feed...at least i was thin

when i went to my grams house she had plenty of food and baked all kinds of apple turnovers, etc. and i would eat and eat..she would say you are eating with your eyes..and i was...

when my kids were growing up i went over board to make sure all the things we ran out of when growing up we have an large supply in my house..always had at least 6 boxes of cereal and milk..

seems like yesterday sometime..

anyhow, glad to know we don't have those issues to contend with anymore..

oh ya, when i went to the store for $5 we would get a loaf of bread, quart of milk and 1 lb of bolony

k, have a great weekend...talk to you soon.

[lbb (Liz)]

Okay I must go to bed NOW because the urge to open the chocolate bar saved for tomorrow is huge.

I am overwhelmed with packing, laundry, and it's been a busy day.
And to top it off, the husband just got called back to the hospital. I thought he'd be able to help out...but who am I kidding?
Ah a resident's life...

ANYWHO, all that to say: I must go to bed now.
This little voice tells me, "it's pretty much Saturday anyway!"
"It's not going to make a difference!". EAT IT!

But alas it will make a diff.
So what if I eat it for breakfast, right?
Right.

Today was a success.
I really don't DIE for dinner, but it's post dinner that I get munchies.

I SO RELATE FOOD TO RELAXING.
See, it's just been a "go here, there, everywhere" kind of day.
I'd like to zone out to a movie with popcorn, chocolate, etc.

But we all have stuff we dread doing.
Putting my hand in a bag of chips and chocolate doesn't make that stuff easier.
It just puts a glaze over my eyes to help me not feel.

So with that said, I'll do myself a favor and go to bed.
I always have tons more motivation and energy in the morning anyways.

Just a note...my logging will be sparse after this. Not only because I'm leaving for a week, but because I will have finished my 21 day stint starting Monday! WOOT WOOT

I think I will start the "negative qualification" thingy.
Friday:
B: oats
L: spinach, turkey, cottage cheese
Yogurt
Toast with hummu
D: TJ's black bean/corn enchiladas mixed with spinach and cottage cheese, 2 plums

[NoSnacker]

Way to go..you dug deep to understand that having that food is so not worth it...will not make things go away..would have made you feel terrible and made the extra work packing, etc. harder as you would have been upset with yourself..

And incase you are off line as you said, CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR 21 DAYSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS....

Hope your move goes well!

[lbb (Liz)]

Thanks!!! I am waking up today light and hungry but not sick or regretful!
Have a great weekend yourself!
Enjoy....

[NoSnacker]

Oh so glad to hear you are waking up feeling great!!!!! I didn't do so well and woke up feeling crappy...soooo mmmm let me see which is much easier to deal with...waking up feeling great....of course...so tomorrow I hope to stop back and say...woke up feeling like a million bucks!

Have a great day!!!!!

[Sinnie]

The way you describe things makes people relate so well. It's nice to know other people have the exact same feelings, and sometimes situations as ourselves. I so admire you dedication and willpower. I am going to get there too.

I will really miss your blog when your 21 days is over but CONGRATS!!! That is a big deal. I can't wait until I do that too.

Enjoy your vacation, it sounds lovely!!!

[lbb (Liz)]

Thank you Sinnie and NoSnacker!
I said I wouldn't check in, but it's kinda part of my routine to do some "morning work" on the computer before all people wake!

Just a run-down of my S-day, and what I learned.
It wasn't worse than last week, so that's good!
But I still ate a fair amount. I'm grateful, though they were tasty.

So this is LOTSA food, no judgment, but here goes:

Break: oats, done my usual way

11am: a little turkey/hummus....then the chocolate bar I had wanted the night before

1pm: picked a veggie Chipotle bowl before the flight

3pm: my son gave me 3 malt ball candies on the flight, I had ANOTHER chocolate bar (that had been in my purse saved), and then Jet Blue's "POPCHIPS" they passed around (FYI: I NEVER used to eat the snacks the plane gives you, but I thought..."why not?")

6pm: California Pizza Kitchen: the veggie salad, 2 pieces of my son's BBQ chicken pizza

8pm: Came to the beach house and of course it was loaded with treats. Had a few handfuls of Trader Joes mini peanut butter cups. They are SO good. But I don't do well with picking at treats. Would have rather had a full serving of something.

Woke up a bit bloated. Just took a walk.
We are doing church and brunch.
I'll enjoy this day, but no mindless eating!
LOVE!

[Sweetness]

Lbb have a great vacation!!

[lbb (Liz)]

Thanks sweetness!
Today was delightful and so was the food. The ultimate in enjoyment. Though I ate quite a bit, I have no regrets as it was wonderful.

After church, we ate brunch at a yummy place called plums.
I ordered this organic chicken peanut cabbage salad. It sounded good and was. My boys all got pancakes, eggs and bacon and I did snitch off their plates. A couple bites. Soooo fresh and good.

Walked the island. Around 3 pm I had a handful of traders mini pb cups.

About 6pm we picked fresh tacos from a local cafe. Homemade guacamole, salsa, chips. Amazing.

My husband and I later took a walk around the island and got balboa bars. They are über rich ice cream dipped (in front of you) in chocolate and rolle in your topping choice. I got Heath bar. Amazing. My childhood we always got these.

So great to enjoy a dessert without guilt. Remember coming last year not eating any dessert b/c I was Paleo. But then going crazy sometimes binging on treats late at night. Nice to eat maybe not super healthy, but super yummy and enjoyable.

I'll plan on doing 3 meals/day with one dessert at night. Lots of walking and chasing kids at beach!

[lbb (Liz)]

Monday
On vacation so it felt a little more like an S day, but oh well.
Exercised a lot.
Had 3 meals.
2 desserts.
B: oats
L: chicken wrap from a cafe (eaten on the beach which makes anything taste much bettter!)
D: thai lettuce chicken wraps from cheesecake factory and i snitched the pizza crusts from my boys' plates

Desserts: some reese cups at the beach
some reese cups at a movie (Hunger games).

Had too many, but oh well.
Like I said, it's provided by my mom in the cupboards and I have a hard time resisting when it's here.

Today I plan on 3 yummy meals, being very active, and one dessert tonight with family. Ice cream or something.

[KL]

You're dealing with your vacation wonderfully. It can be so challenging to be with lots of people who have different needs/expectations/desires. Great job - seems like posting is giving you a bit of a boost.

[Sinnie]

You are doing so well! It's amazing how vacations can become a source of stress when we don't have the sanity of the No S Diet. Looking forward to reading more posts about how it's going!

[lbb (Liz)]

Thanks, Sinnie & KL:
Perfect timing for the "boost" as I got out of hand in the last couple hours...yikes!
It was kinda like an 'outer body' experience and I experienced such familiar feelings from times past...
I take full responsiblity, but do notice when I'm in the home with my Mom, my disordered eating really shines. She definitely has disordered eating (hiding food, spitting, etc) and you would think it would be cleared up after all my former counseling, but I have learned to let her do her thing.
But that's hard when you're under her roof for a bit (they do leave tonight).
She's super healthy/skinny but always has candy in her sock drawer, picks at her food, etc.
I was doing well today with breakfast of oats, a run, and to the beach.
We came home for lunch. I think in my brain I expected us to grab a bite somewhere else because we didn't have great food in the fridge, but my husband was like, "let's just make sandwiches, let the babe nap, and then go back to the beach...".
It kinda threw me off. Bags of chips were opened....
I did make myself a chicken wrap but kept grabbing more and more chips.
Then. A reese cup (my mom had a whole bag in the pantry).
I found myself stuffing them into my swimsuit bra and eating them while changing baby's diaper. Secret. I noticed my thoughts as if I was not in my body:
"I want them all. Nothing will satisfy. I want to finish them."
I got that nervous feeling of nothing else being available.
My mom left the house for something and I even went to her "secret stash" to eat something, but didn't. Because it would have been obvious.
Okay this is where it got bad and once again, I consciously did this, but can't figure out WHY.
My boys wanted a quick nap before the beach, and I knew I wanted to get out of the house.
So I walked down to main street (about 15 min. walk) to buy a pair of "TOMS" that I have been wanting. Bought them and then crossed the street to the bakery. The bakery we pass every single morning on our walk. The bakery with all the cinnamon rolls, brownies, and cookies. Its smell permeates the street.
I reverted to that old binge person.
"I'll have the molasses ginger cookie and the lemon iced, please.".
Pretending its not for me, of course!
I had been eyeing these specific cookies for awhile.
I bought them.
Walked home and ate the majority of them.
Now I feel sick and regretful but strangely satisfied.
It's like that urge to have them is now gone and I'm okay now passing that bakery by.
I don't know.
I gotta go because all are waking and we are off to the beach.
But I do know it was weird.
I need to realign myself because I hate that feeling of being taken over by something bigger and more powerful.
YIKES.
Plus we are getting a yummy dinner tonight and I doubt I'll be hungry.
Aw well. Chock it up to learning..?!
xo, Liz

[Sweetness]

Liz, just don't beat yourself up about it! Pick yourself up, brush off the crumbs and move on!!!

((HUGS))

[KL]

Oh, I know that feeling so well. Being driven by knife point by an unknown force, and then finally after having eaten, feeling the release of not having to battle the compulsion anymore.

The hardest, but best, thing to do is to mark it and move on just like you are doing. Dwelling on it, as you know, will only perpetuate the behavior.

Keep posting - we are here for you.

[lbb (Liz)]

Thanks, guys.
"Being driven by knife point by an unknown force, and then finally after having eaten, feeling the release of not having to battle the compulsion anymore."...KL! That totally explains my hours earlier...actually and toward the end of the day.
YIKES!
It's like the anticipation of all of it is over and ready to start anew tomorrow.
I feel ill in my body but trying to not let it affect my head.
Negative qualification baby...here goes:

Breakfast: Oats

Lunch: chicken, cheese, veggie wrap
chips...probably two handfuls of sun chips
10 mini reese's cups

Bakery: 3/4 of large molasses ginger cookie
3/4 of large lemon iced cookie

Dinner: 1/2 Cafe Rio chicken salad
chips, salsa, guacamole

Finished the cinnamon lips in the pantry (probably compulsively ate about 10). Now there are no more temptations in the house at all. My mom left tonight. I'm the only one to control treats that come IN the house. But we can go GET treats, which I'm fine with.

Went on a walk with the family around the island to get a "treat". Though I didn't need one, feel like it, I still got a "Balboa Bar" (ice cream dipped in chocolate rolled in sprinkles). SUPER yum.
I sometimes feel like i hAVE to order with my hubby/kids to not set myself apart and to prove to them mom is normal. There were too many years where it was me/them. And I want to just be fun, esp. on va-cay.

But alas, I think I was just doing the "what the hell".
I miss my light and airy feeling.
But for some reason I'm realizing that that feeling, the "light and airy", "vanilla no-s" still leaves me "in wanting" a bit on vacation. It's like I'm missing out.

So again I say that I CAN have special treats (I still haven't had that yummmy Sprinkles cupcake) only if we go GET it.

I think, since we are here till Saturday, that if we get any special other treats, I will count them only as ONE "S" event/day.
And if I want more than that (say a cupcake) then I'll save it for this weekend.

I'm having the time of my life and truly relaxing/enjoyable time with the family. Food obsession doesn't deserve any of my time, though.
Off to watch a movie with the hubs.

Xo, liz

[NoSnacker]

Surely the binge was brought on by stress which you feel around your mom...that is what happens with binges, we keep on eating and taking our focus off of what we don't want to think or deal with until really we just can't eat anymore we are binged out. It truly does nothing for us, but just for a few hours, cause the stress that brought it on is there still.old feelings etc. etc.

For me I would buy a few more cookies, wrap them up nice and tight so they stay fresh and enjoy them when you get home on your S day..cause you really didn't get to enjoy them.

Sorry if I'm coming off knowing it all, but I have learned so much about binging and coming to the conclusion at 55, it does nothing for us, but mask the issue only making us fatter and hating ourselves..really a terrible cycle to be in. Because guess what "we" are the ones that pay the price for it.

Hope you can enjoy your vacation and buy those cookies..the power of knowing you have them might keep you from eating them before an S day.

deb

[lbb (Liz)]

DEB! Thank you so much for your thoughtful post.
This morning, hungover as I feel, I am grateful and hopeful for a new day ahead.
I will "mark it and move on" with 2 reds the past couple days.
Jump into Vanilla No S, no mods, because alas Saturday is soon enough if I want a cookie and/or cupcake.
I think I've had enough treats to settle me for awhile and will focus on the yummy meals ahead.
You're right about stress/my mom/"old Liz" coming out the past couple days. It's a force deep within that I felt, "who is this person?". Well, it's good to know my triggers!
You def are not coming off like you know it all. I'm ALWAYS open to advice and help. If I DO want something, you're right...I'll save it for the S days.
Appreciate your wisdom and experience and time to help out.
Xo, Liz

[Sinnie]

Liz, I have four words - been there, done that.
You are not alone. Can't count the number of times I've had that outer body experience. You made it past, you've moved on and another day is a chance to make it a success. You have done amazing on No S, a little blip here and there happens. No biggie. You are on vacation and being out of your element can surely create those situations. Onward

[lbb (Liz)]

Thanks, Sinnie.
Yesterday was a GREEN N DAY! (even after the S weekend and two REDS!).
It's So hard to get back that N, but I did.
Esp. on va-cay. We even went out for ice cream and I withheld. I didn't feel left out mainly because the last few days I've been "on board" so much anyways, that I just took a break.
My husband is not easy to be with as he has a HORRIBLE sweet tooth (and many pounds to lose). But I don't talk about it with him because I would hate if he did with me. He's def not moderate about sweets in the LEAST bit.
Oh well, must focus only on my OWN habits. What I can control.

Wed:
B: Oats, pb/banana
Exercise: walk around the island, playing at beach
L: 1/2 leftover Cafe Rio chicken salad
D: In N Out cheeseburger, a couple fries
(I don't love burgers, but the whole fam stopped there and there really aren't any other options!...oh well. Glad I didn't go hay-wire with fries, shakes, etc.)

Another N day ahead of me! I know it!
The feeling I get of being light and able to concentrate better surpasses any temporary treat...gotta keep remembering that!

[Sinnie]

You're awesome! Well done
"The feeling I get of being light and able to concentrate better surpasses any temporary treat" - I'll use that as a source of inspiration.

[NoSnacker]

How is your vacation going or are you home? I think when I take my two weeks in May, it might be a struggle..no work week structure

Did you buy yourself some cookies to be able to sit down and enjoy on your S day?

Good job on by passing the ice...

And yes, it is hard to get back to N when we fall off wagon..but don't let that derail you..like I did the first time back in June of last year.

I hope to stay strong for as long as I can

[lbb (Liz)]

Thanks, NoSnacker.
I am still on va-cay at the beach with my lil' fam until Saturday.
So it's tough I must admit, esp. since every other sentence muttered is, "who cares...it's vacation!". (On whether the boys are up too late, whether our car is too sandy, etc. etc.).
So, you can imagine when after a morning beach expedition we found a lovely well-known cafe in Corona for lunch just an hour or two ago.
I ordered a veggie sandwich on squaw bread but staring right in front of me were "yelp-praised" pastries.
I just had to get a box and have us all sample them.
I did in the "name of vacation".
Yikes. A Red.
But it feels INCREDIBLY different from sneaking Reese in my bra, walking alone to the bakery to sneak a cookie, etc. etc.
This was a "finish our sandwiches" and everyone break off this and that to try these famous cruellers, red velvet cupcakes, and choc. chip cookies.
Yes, indulgent. No, not compulsive.
Yes, a Red. But no, not a red I'm THAT ashamed of.
I think an important part in this journey is: "what is my intention"?
If my intention is to clobber myself with food, get "glazed over" and numb out, then this is not good.
If my kids and hubby and I are enjoying some famous treats TOGETHER, on a VACATION (that we rarely take), that's another story.
Okay my justification is over and I'm taking a red, but thought I'd clarify the difference between a binge and a mishap.
Off to do a little shopping ALONE!!! (hubby took the boys back to the beach!) Hip hip hooray.
Thanks, all.
liz

[Sweetness]

Maybe you could just go with a "no solitary snacking" rule for the rest of your vacation. I agree that being festive and trying something new is totally different than the hiding and closet snacking/binging.

[Sinnie]

Amen, Liz. You're spot on with your analysis. I concur wholeheartedly.

[lbb (Liz)]

Thanks, gals.
Had an enjoyable afternoon of shopping alone and normally, I would have thought, "oh I already broke the bank....so....".
And would have bought treats while I shopped (an old habit)...fro yo/mall stuff.
But I didn't.
Got a few summer-ish things I was looking for and picked up dinner for the fam on the way home.
They met me there (from the beach).
Had half a mexican chicken salad.
Really good and filling.
In a minute, they want to walk the island.
It may or may not include ice cream.
Either way, I'll see how I feel. I'm okay without now, but if I want it WITH MY FAMILY I will.
But we'll see.
Thanks for the support.
XO, liz

[NoSnacker]

Maybe you could just go with a "no solitary snacking" rule for the rest of your vacation. I agree that being festive and trying something new is totally different than the hiding and closet snacking/binging.

I totally agree with Sweetness..

You are doing fantastic!!!!

[lbb (Liz)]

Thanks, NoSnacker.
Yes, the "no solitary snacking" kind of takes away the ability to USE food for me.
Since I'm doing NO S not necessarily to lose weight (though a few pounds to get back to pre-baby would be great), it's moreso to "re-set" my food obsession/controlling brain, I am okay with a treat for the boys and I.
Plus, all goes back to normal next week...!!!

The boys rode their scooters about 9pm to the famous Dad's
[url]http://www.yelp.com/biz/dads-donut-and- ... port-beach[/url]
and I ran.
I DID end up getting a Balboa bar.
Sat down and enjoyed and then ran home.

I noticed my brain thinking, "are you sure you really want this because it's just to enjoy and not to numb out?"....

You can tell I've had probe in the past with treating myself, enjoying just to enjoy, and not making everything be productive (even food!)...
hahah.
Oh the lessons this darn No S is teaching me!

Love you all.
x, LIz

[NoSnacker]

Hi Liz, thanks for always stopping by to say hi.

Did you have a weight problem? Or learning to have better eating habits with No S?

Have a wonderful evening!!!

[lbb (Liz)]

Hi nosnacker... Thanks for your message. I have mainly struggled with disordered eating since 13....anorexia, bulimia, binge eating. My weight has varies between 100 (anorexia) to 150 (major binge eating).
Now I'm probably as healthy as I've ever been but there is still the chip in my brain that hasn't fully recovered. But I'm realizing that is something to be "managed" as opposed up cured completely.
No s I truly a saving grace in that manner.
Take care! Xo

[gk]

Liz -

Thanks so much for stopping by my thread and for the encouragement! Don't ya just love this place? Everyone here is so supportive, and it's so nice to talk with others who know exactly what you're going through and can totally relate.

I noticed in your earlier note that you battled anorexia, bulimia and binge eating.....I was bulimic in my teens and have been binge eating ever since. Hard to believe that I'm 40, and I am still struggling with food!

So glad to have found No S. It's finally a sane approach to dieting and this forum is exactly what I needed.

Good luck with No S'ing. Have a great weekend - enjoy your S's!

[lbb (Liz)]

gk:
Thanks for the message!
I'm so sorry you also battled eating disorders in your past.
Yes, those troubling times as a teenager made me cope with controlling food!
I have since learned (as I"m sure you have!) that it may never DISAPPEAR, but oh my it can get so much better.
There are times I'm totally not thinking at all about food.
NO-S is helping in that department...making food less of a novelty. De-sensualizing it, in a way.
Cheers to more success along the way!

[Amy3010]

Thanks for your support yesterday - even though it was a fail, I still think I learned something - my goal is to do better next time, and I will certainly remember what you said!

It sounds like you have been doing really well enjoying your treats on your vacation and being mindful - good for you!

Have a safe trip home

[NoSnacker]

I can relate to what you said, when I was in my early 20's I was eating once a day (1 hot dog) and taking diet pills, hence when it all started..if not sooner...when I was 37 my younger sister lived with me who was anorexia and bulimic and skinny...we both were sick enough where she would try to teach me how to be bulimic, trust me I tried but it hurt to darn much..so for most of my dieting life I was a binger...to the ordinary person..I would be considered nuts

Glad you are finding peace, and found us

We can all do this together with the support that is here.

Have a great weekend!
deb

[lbb (Liz)]

I'm calling this whole vacation week a "wash".
I'm proud I didn't "binge" yesterday, but did enjoy treats again with the family. And I'll take a red, planning on just getting back into N on Monday.
We fly home today and I am technically not fully going "S" with today and Sunday.
I will allow myself a treat today and one tomorrow, along with my other 3 meals.
I already have the treat planned.
It's just that I've been enjoying so much good vacation food this week that I'm not feeling the urge to let loose this weekend. Heck, I already have.
I definitely feel the not-so-light feeling of 3 healthy meals, no sugar, but I also have confidence that feeling will be back come next week.

Friday:
B: oats
L: turkey/veggie sandwich
S: at beach, I had a package of those Trader Joe's gummies. I don't really like gummies usually, but the boys had a couple, and staring at me were about 8 left in the bag. You know my problem with not letting something go "un-done". So I finished them.
D: Tortilla Mexican Chicken Salad
S: Golden Spoon frozen yogurt with butterfinger topping
Exercise: walk around islands, chasing kids at beach

I like how NoSnacker wrote out her credits/successes. I think it's good for me to focus on what HAS changed for good.

1) The boys had pizza last night and I knew I would be eating something better and more fulfilling, so I held out for my salad.
2) I can go longer between meals and I really don't feel the need to snack.
3) Snacking is really something that has become a thing of the past, the sweets thing is a whole different story
4) I enjoyed my treats yesterday GUILT FREE and IN THE OPEN

Since we did this exact same vacation last year, it's easy to compare where I was mentally to last.
This trip, truthfully, has been so much more enjoyable/relaxing. It's amazing that where my head is can determine so much.
Last year, I was so strictly Paleo that I remember at Disneyland, for lunch, I had a package of turkey from Trader Joe's (yikes sodium!) and that was it. Breakfast probably had been eggs, veggies, bacon.
NOw I'm not knocking Paleo, because I was also quite LEAN, but I felt so removed from the "real world".
I mean, I felt so limited.
Plus, there was much anxiety when we'd go out to dinner and I couldn't remain fully "on-plan".
I also remember a couple nights last year where I would "break" and have one chocolate in the cupboard. Then go hog-wild secretly and feel SO SO SO devastated the next day. Reading my book like crazy, like it was my Bible to "get back on track."
Okay that's all.
Kids who were all sleeping are starting to wake...
Xo, Liz

[NoSnacker]

Stopping by to say hi and hope you are enjoying your weekend!

[lbb (Liz)]

Thanks, NOSnacker!

So far, so good. I said I wouldn't use Sat/Sun as S days, and yesterday was a more tame day than in the past, but unusual due to traveling and not having followed N days all week.
I wasn't DYING for treats, but did have a few.

Sat:
B: oats
L: leftover chicken salad
S's: half a sugar cookie, a Golden spoon frozen yogurt, a package of Hi-Chews on the plane
D: none really. i actually kinda went "binge style" but thankfully it passed. on the plane, they brought some chips. i ate them. then realized we'd be landing late and i would get no dinner. not like i was really hungry, but I ate THREE fiber one chocolate granola bars. kinda compulsively.
and would have eaten anything else in my path, but that's all i had (snack for kids).
but i was worried i'd get home and raid the cupboards, but i was full and tired and just went to bed.
so a weird eating day.
don't like eating packaged foods or snacks much, i've realized. because i feel unfulfilled and crappy.
just another testament for REAL food and REAL meals.
doing well.
today is planned:
b: oats
church:
l: flat out with turkey, spinach, cheese, yogurt
d: homemade ravioli, salad
s: that chocolate bar if i still want it

then off to another N week! kinda excited to feel less bloated.
but alas, vacations do that sometimes!

xo, liz

[lbb (Liz)]

Today wasn't quite what I planned, but not awful either.
Just wish I had enjoyed my meals more...?

Maybe the reason I go hog-wild a tad today was because the way I compulsively eat "DOES" something for me (no duh?) and I kinda relax knowing I don't have to plate something, sit and enjoy it and not have it "DO" anything for me.
Maybe that says something about my life? My hubby says I have a hard time sitting down or not multi-tasking and I found myself eating today while doing other things...almost to make those tasks more enjoyable, and to be distracted from my reality.

I love Tolle's book, "Power of Now" which talks about being truly PRESENT. I think sometimes on S days I'm thinking of what I'll have next, or thinking of how I won't have treats all week...basically not IN THE MOMENT.

I'm never living in the present, ironically, when I'm bingeing. I'm actually thinking, "okay this is the last bite and then I'll do....". Or I'll eat this because I have a week until I get it again....
yadda yadda.

My point is: maybe I should really work on enjoying the present, being happy with the yumminess we have enjoyed, and not thinking of the "eat or forever hold your peace" mentality.
Just a thought.

Okay, for the record:
B: oats (8am)

LONG day at church. someone gave me a "reese cup" (regular size) and I was starving by 2:30 pm that I ate it driving home from church.

instead of taking time to fix myself lunch, i snitched the boys sandwiches, pirate's booty, and then even more pirate's booty. found myself carrying around a bowl of it while I unpacked. kinda to make my present dread more "enjoyable". funny thing: i don't really LOVE the taste, i just wanted to munch on something as if i wasn't eating...(?).

dinner: tortellini, chicken sausage, marina sauce one crescent roll, spinach and feta salad

s: one big sized symphony bar.
(yes i bought it last night and ate it).

feel okay. not great. a bit bloated, but mainly due to a big week of lots of S's.
didn't' feel the need so much to load up on sweets these past two days b/c i had had them all week.

need that light and airy and HUNGRY feeling again. it's been awhile.

xo, liz

[Amy3010]

I think not being able to be in the moment and enjoy the now is a huge issue for a lot of us on this board. If we were really able to enjoy our food fully and not beat ourselves up over it, we probably wouldn't have ended up here. I know for sure it is something I need to work on.

I know what you mean about getting back to N days being a relief - it really is.

have a good week!

[NoSnacker]

I hear ya....and thanks for stopping by and encouraging me you are awesome..

Yep bye bye chips and hello garbage!!!!

[KL]

Yes, think about anything except what is going on right now, right here. Oh, such a terrible web to be caught in.

Such great insights - which is what this journey is about, no? All the lessons start to unfold and are there for the taking, if we want them.

You're doing great - welcome back N days. Welcome back your light and airy feeling.

[NoSnacker]

You have got that right and congrats on starting your next round of 21 days!! This week will be my second round to complete..if only my S days would behave themselves...

Today I found myself a tad bit more hungry cause of the over abundance over the weekend...

But tomorrow I'll wake up feeling less bloated I'm sure..

Have a wonderful N day...

[lbb (Liz)]

Thanks for the comments. TRULY great people here and well-appreciated.

Great N day, actually.

NOSnacker: isn't it strange how over-abundance makes us then MORE hungry later. our tummies get used to more food, i guess?

It was such a BUSY and active day, that food was really just food today.
But I did enjoy three squares at 8, 2, and 8.

I had a meeting at my house where I served pizza. I didn't have any (it was early and I was mainly in charge).
But then heated up a few slices with salad later that night.

I'm grateful I can eat pizza while on this program.
Moderation.

B: Oats
L: Flat wrap, turkey, laughing cow cheese
Tomatos & Cucumbers dipped in hummus & Tzatiki
One carbmaster yogurt
D: 2 slices gluten free, veggie pizza
Spinach, feta, cucumbers mixed in Tzatiki dressing.
Exercise: Walk kids to school, mowed lawn (took forever!) with PUSHMOWER. That counts as a workout!
Yay for N days!

[NoSRocks]

YAYY! Sounds like a really nice day of eating today! Welcome back from vacation btw! I hope you had a great time and lots of r and r!

[Amy3010]

I am very grateful for pizza, too

Good job!

[snapdragon]

Sounds like you had a nice time with your family!
You really are doing so great, happy for you.

[NoSnacker]

Yes, it is so awesome to eat what you want without counting calories, guilt, etc. I love N Days for the most part

So today is Tuesday and I'm still extra hungry...but could be cause I had a nice salad and cantaloupe for lunch..ordered some steamed veggies and shrimp for dinner...yummy..I guess I'm hungry as dinner time approaches..but so nice to enjoy food...

Have a great one!

[lbb (Liz)]

Good N day. Not easy peasy, but I still managed!

I saw myself about 8pm, as I was still tucking boys into bed, yet not having eaten dinner (I have a hard time just rushing to eat when I have to be "on board" with the kids solo).

I was impatient and stressed while practicing piano with my son. Our wills were colliding! I noticed that I kept thinking of eating a chocolate bar while sitting there. TO distract, make more fun, enjoy the time. Using food, much!?!??! hahah.

Earlier today, I broke a rule, but still consider it an N day.
After body pump (intense weights class), I was at Target feeling REALLY shaky and blurry. I bought a protein bar. No sugar, but filling nonetheless.
It got me through the rest of our errands, home, to do some cleaning, and a later lunch. So maybe on Bodypump days, I have a little extra snack.

B: oats
S: protein bar
L: flat wrap, turkey, spinach, laughing cow
tomatoes, cucumber, hummus, tzatiki
D: flat wrap, rice beans, cheese
romaine, corn, tomato, creamy dressing, avocado
YUMMIEST dinner EVER!

Life is good. Grateful for No S, even when at times I want to stray!
XO

[Amy3010]

My gym has Bodypump class too, and it is pretty intense, I can understand why you would allow yourself a healthy snack if you're feeling shaky. I let myself have an apple if I know we are going to have a late dinner - it really helps and most of all, it prevents me eating way too much at dinner, or even worse, failing at No-S.

[NoSnacker]

Helllooo..yes I agree...if one works out really hard and is shaky and blurry your body is telling you something..so you listened to it..good for you..

This is suppose to be life changing, not life chaining!!

You go girlll....

[snapdragon]

Hi Liz, you spoke of eating your kids leftovers because you don't want to waste food. I once read a great quote it goes something like this. "I can eat that extra food or throw it away either way it's wasted."
And of course "I am not a human garbage can!"
take care

[lbb (Liz)]

Okay my friends thanks for the kind words.
And for that great quote about waste! SOOOO TRUE and such a thing to remember. I tell my husband that lots b/c he calls himself the "human disposal".
But wasted in the waste can or in my body! Same thing!

Will you still love me because I had a fail last night?!!!
Okay I have a question: do any of you have a big fail and then want to just call it one of your "S" days and only take ONE "S" day on the weekend?

Or do you just give it a red? I just think, "oh I won't need another S day". But whatever. I'll give it its red I guess.

This is how it all went down. I'll paint the picture.
(this is for my own good, not to bore you. i need to mentally figure out my thought patterns...)

First off, I was thinking, "man I'm doing awesome!". And I was.
Green days. Loving them. Feeling hungry for meals! Yahoo!

But in between piano lessons (about 5pm) we always have a couple minutes.
Just enough to make a quick errand. There's a Great Harvest a block or two away. I wanted to pick up a loaf of bread. I rarely buy it ($), but I love their hearty stuff once in awhile for toast, sandwiches.
And my neighbor LOVES their blondies and then I got a brownie for the piano teacher. Just for fun.

No joke friends.... I was driving and holding these treats and literally SALIVATING. Like smelling and tasting and ready to rip them open.

I wasn't even hungry, but my senses were on and I could taste them. I seriously was like, "screw it". This is just too good. This is worth the fail (now in hindsight I wish I HAD eaten one!) only cuz' I failed later on less good stuff.

BUT! Alas! I distracted myself. We hurried and delivered them and went to the library. PHEW.

That night about 6pm I made veggie burgers for my kids. Of course they weren't huge fans (2 out of 3), but I wanted to try a new recipe. I usually sit down with them to dinner and don't eat but chat and help them out (they still need the "one more bite") and my 2 year old needs help too.
So i'm sitting down with food.

I was going to eat later (as I usually do) once I got really hungry, or once my husband got home.

But as I was clearing their plates, I took a bite of the veggie burgers they hadn't finished thinking, "oh this will be virtual plating b/c I"m going to eat this tonight anyways". "I'm just getting started now!". But inside I knew my truth!

That lead to finishing the rest of their stuff on their plates. Not all bad stuff. I had this really yummy homemade creamy dressing that I dipped some cucumbers and turkey in. Then a few pretzels. Just a hodgepodge.

But my friends I AM grateful I haven't kept a ton of JUNK around. Because I started my "over-doing it" on regular fair.

But alas. Then I remember I broke my own cardinal rule: "don't keep S treats in the house"..."get them on the S day". The other day at Target they had my favorite bar marked down (ghiradelli milk chocolate almond sea salt). The efficient self bought it thinking, "perfect for the s!".

So of course I dug into that. Finished it. And how gross that I found some old saltwater taffy (I don't even LIKE saltwater taffy) to chew on. Once again...if I had it, I would have eaten it. Hence, the lack of treats in this house these days!!!

So my friends. That's it. I'm okay with it. And not beating myself up. But just upset that I was consciously choosing this. It's not the end of the world at all. But i did realize my weak point once I picked up those treats to give away from the bakery. How I was 99% close to eating them! HUH? I thought I had this in the bag.

Marked and moving on.

For the record, Wednesday negative qualification:
b: oats
yoga class
l: flat wrap, turkey, cheese, veggies, hummus

RED:
veggie burger
one bun+cheddar
turkey, dressing
pretzels
7 saltwater taffies
1 Ghiradelli (large size) milk chocolate almond sea salt bar.

[NoSnacker]

We all have those days....perhaps next time buy an extra one for you, so you won't feel deprived...the temptation just triggered a desire to fill the want that was not full-filled earlier.

I would mark it red and move on..you don't want to start limiting your S days or trying to make up for the red..I just read this today in the No S book..

Learn from it and move on..

Don't forget all the great days you have under you belt...keep your eyes on those days after you review what went wrong.

[lbb (Liz)]

Thanks, dearest NoSnacker.
Very wise about the thought that I was deprived (why can other normal people have a bite or two of a blondie/brownie and I can't!??! wa wa).
And so I kinda rebelled later that night.

Red. Moved on.

S days will remain. And be tame, hopefully.

Gracias

[BeingGreen]

Hi Liz,
Isn't it so nice to know that you will still be loved here--even if you have a red day or 2 or 10! I know that is why I've kept coming back to these boards for years now.
You'll get back on track today and a have great green day. Don't even think about the weekend and whether or not you'll take one or two S days (to compensate for Wednesday's red). That will just make it harder to have good green days on Thursday and Friday. If you choose to be more moderate this weekend that'll be your choice and you'll feel empowered by it, rather than feeling punished.
Hang in there!
-Brianna

[KL]

So glad you didn't do the compensating - trading day thing. That never ends up well. Basically it is allowing the failure behavior - if you don't have a consequence (Red Day) then it tells your mind that you can do it again, and again, and again. All of a sudden the 3 meal habit is broken.

So, mark it and move on - haven't heard that one before, have ya.

[lbb (Liz)]

Thanks, gals!
Brianna: Such a wise post. I appreciate it truly. I already feel on track today.
It's funny. If I don't "mourn" and "get mad at myself" enough, I almost feel like I "allowed" my fail. But that's silly. Moving on....
I'm still having my S's and with your and KL's great reasons: otherwise I'll make Reds allowable and not giving myself choice on the weekends.

I've already kinda planned out the week/weekend eating schedule only because I did a major Trader Joes shopping trip this morn. So we're set.

Take care, all.
xo

[lbb (Liz)]

Phew. I avoided the fail beast tonight.
Like by the skin of my teeth.
I'm really tired which doesn't help.

My husband's pager has been going off tons lately through the night.
I think it's time for him to hit the couch when on call, no?

Regardless, after I ate dinner tonight I had the WORST URGES.
And was JONES-ING for some chocolate. Like sitting there weighing my options. Two literal voices in my head.

Pretty much figuring out how I could rationalize it:
"Well, Liz, your S days will be more tame if you allow yourself it tonight.
Forget S days. Just go back to your nightly dessert.
You worked out hard today.
You "failed" last night and don't seem too much more worse for the wear.
You don't need to lose much weight."

Okay so the "BEAST" had a lot of points.
And I was SOOO close.

But got a diet soda and jumped in the bathtub.
Ran away from it!

I now believe what I've preached in saying,
"it's easier to fail back to back then to just jump back into green."
All the more reason to have avoided that red. Or tomorrow would have been even tougher.

Okay, Thurs:
b: oats
l: spinach, pepper, tomatoes, cucumber, tzatiki dressing
flat wrap, low-sodium columbus turkey, laughing cow cheese
d: (was struggling to find something fulfilling, but stuck mainly to salad, veggies, meat)
spinach, veggies, chicken meatballs, TJ's sesame soy dressing, feta
turkey dipped in my homemade creamy dressing.
fine dinner, but left me not hungry, but oh so wanting sweets.
exercise: 15 minutes running, 30 minutes elliptical
OFF TO BED!

[NoSRocks]

GOOD FOR YOU, LIZ! I know it can be sooo hard when those cravings hit but you will be so much happier when you awake tomorrow morning and remember how you resisted the temptation monster!

Thank goodness for diet soda, huh? I drink gallons of the stuff after dinner to tide me over from the cravings. I guess some folks might think I am doing myself a disservice by consuming so much of the stuff but it has helped me out of nigh a sticky situation!

Having said so, this evening i was in another one of my antsy "lets do some cooking to relieve the boredom" moods ... so I cooked up some brownies and of course, nibbled on the batter as I was pouring it into the pan. I just managed to resist trying the actual brownies when they came out of the oven but omgosh are they calling my name!

[lbb (Liz)]

wow roxy, though if you just snitched the batter sans the actual brownie that is amazing. and moderate!
keep at it.
i can't say it's now all easy. my husband just got home and i'm so tempted to eat treats with him. but go to bed i must.
you're right: the morning will bring so much more happiness.
thanks for understanding!

[NoSnacker]

Hi Liz, it is good to pay attention to the rationalization going on in your head...suggestion, you may want to jot each one down separately and your response to it. Those notes will help you in the future...keep your eyes on the prize!....sanity.

What I have been having with my dinner is some crushed blackberries/MANGO (forgot) with some yogurt (tbs.) mixed in...the juices from the blackberries/MANGO and the 2 flavors combined with the yogurt makes an awesome way to end dinner..feels like a treat, but not.

I still hear that tiny URGE beckoning at my door, but I have been trying to equipped myself..with notes to myself. It really does pass quicker these days..and it is very very tiny..

Like you said it is much easier to have fails back to back then to get back on track...but the sooner you get another day or two under your belt things will be better, right

We are all here learning from each other..when one person has a victory it encourages others that all is not lost.

Have a great Friday...
deb

[lbb (Liz)]

Thanks, Deb. I think you nailed something about possibly introducing another taste of sweetness into my meals, esp. dinner.
That yogurt sounds divine.
I need to plan something similar.

I had such a savory salty salad that I sweets were beckoning.

Plus, I looked back to when I tried No S a couple years ago and I was a little more lax about not using such HEALTHY foods. Not like I need junk, but sometimes I think I feel a little deprived at times??
Food for thought.

Anywho, thanks! I'm so glad I rode out that feeling.
I think I WILL write down those little thoughts. I have this new little notebook where I'm writing nuggets of wisdom. My ego says, "lame, Liz"...it's just food this is dumb.
Silly ego.

I'm thrilled about your successes. Thanks for being an inspiration!!

[lbb (Liz)]

failed today.
it's weird. it's like i felt above the rules.
after a good workout at the gym, i had an hour to kill with my boys.
it was my pal's bday and i was taking her flowers. drove by the famous local donut shop on my way to her house.
there's a huge cement donut spinning on top (top pots in seattle).
son cries to go and i say, "why not?". my tummy rumbling after my workout (only about 11:30pm).
i ate a donut.
but felt amazing and had tons of energy to do all the cleaning and "to-do's" that afternoon.
didn't let it bug me. still ate a lunch about 2pm.

then, after friday pizza night (feeding only the boys), i did my habitual finishing off their crusts (heck, i already had a donut today!) and then it all went downhill from there.
watching myself over-eat, but thinking, "just get 'er done." i wasn't even enjoying it. almost punishment. YOU WILL BE STUFFED AND BLOATED.
then this little voice says, "you shouldn't go to your favorite workout class tomorrow because you'll look fat in the mirror!". yikes! can you believe i'm being told that in my brain?!!

anywho, all is well. i am dusting off the crumbs and now grateful for the mishap. with the wrench in my cycle of a week-long vacation with lots of s events and then struggling to get back into N days...i needed to really focus on what i want and where i'm going with this.

went on a walk and listened to reinhard's podcast about strictness. i need strictness. yes i do. i'm not above it. yet, at least.

alas, my negative qualification:

b: oats
gym: 45 minutes hard cardio
red: lemon old fashioned donut (YUM, i admit)
lunch: flat out, turkey, salad
dinner: veggie burger, salad

reds:
boys' pizza crusts
handfuls of wheat thins
huge bowl of popcorn
4 cookies and 2 scoops ice cream

marked, moved on and learned from.
strictness is best, esp. now.

[mimi]

Liz, here is a link to a discussion about those "inner voices" that might be helpful for you:

http://everydaysystems.com/bb/viewtopic ... rs+danvers

I used the "Mrs. Danvers trick" very frequently in the past to quiet those critical voices and it worked. Watch the old b/w movie or, better yet, read the book to really have a great visual! Nowadays I just have her name on an index card in a collection that I look at pretty frequently.

Hope this helps!

Mimi

[lbb (Liz)]

Thanks, Mimi!
That is a fantastic thread and I'm excited to read all the way through it.
I appreciate the time for you to tell me about it! SO helpful!

[NoSnacker]

Hope you are feeling better today...the more we read and learn the better off we'll be....

Oh ya, I forgot to mentioned mixed together blueberries and mango..not sure where my brain was ate...

Have a great weekend!

[NoSRocks]

Hi liz! Just popping in again to say I hope you're feeling better today as well and thoroughly enjoying your S Day Saturday!

My Saturday hasn't been too bad overall but I have mainly been nibbling on sweet and starchy goods rather than proper organized meals. I don't know why I can't seem to get my head around this! Mad at myself!! For example: turtle brownie, full fat yogurt, citrus salad for breakfast; huge cinamon bun and coffee for lunch; nibbled on two chocolates (didn't even feel like them, just had to for the "sake" of an S Day ); dinner was huge hunks of baked brie wedges; 1 magnum ice cream; 4 liquorice toffees and 2 fruit candies and a good sized piece of fudge.. plus a handful of sun chips to finish off with! phew! when you write it all down, it does sound a lot, mind. I feel stuffed to the gills but not satisfied - do you know what I mean?

Ah well, moving on and tomorrow is indeed another day! Will let you know what Sunday brings, guys! Have a good evening, everyone!!

[lbb (Liz)]

Thanks for your concern, Roxy & Deb!
I really appreciate it.

Roxy: I do know exactly how it is to be stuffed to the gills but not satisfied. That was me yesterday for sure. I have learned that snacking without proper meal structure is NOT BENEFICIAL for me.
Sounds like you enjoyed lots of yummy things, but I hope tomorrow is more "satisfying" for you.

Had a pretty good S day today.
I think the structure of what an S day would ideally be.
Having had an extreme EXCESS yesterday, I wasn't as crazy today.
Though it would have been easy.
But I stuck to 3 good solid meals.
No snacking. Snacking is not satisfying at all to me...really.
Even on S days, I'm realizing.

We were even at Home Depot with the boys and they were handing out popcorn. I almost had a bag. Even though we were going to pick up dinner, too.
But I didn't because I don't like not feeling hungry for dinner. Snacking. Oh it's not good for me.

But, alas, I did have treats of course. CRAVING chocolate post-dinner (something about spiciness!).

In fact, after dinner, my hubby and I watched a movie and before I said, "we have no sweets in the house, but I want some ice cream...I'm going to get some." Of course he had no objections as we rarely keep anything yummy in the house anymore!

So I went to the grocery store, bought some Tillamook Chocolate Peanut Butter and they were having some insane deal on Toblerones ($1/each).
So I got some.

I did watch myself get a bit compulsive, but noticed it.
I scooped up one bowl of ice cream (no more eating out of the tub, though that's tempting!) and ate it slowly while watching the movie with hubby. Then we shared a Toblerone. That's huge for me. I hate sharing...

I did my body pump class today this morning, too. And was so bloated from the previous night but wouldn't let it get to me. I deserved to feel good today and I did!

Moving onward and upward.

Saturday:
exercise: walk, body pump
bfast: oats
lunch: flat wrap, salad
dinner: chipotle veggie bowl
S's: bowl of ice cream, toblerone chocolate bar

Thanks again for the supportive messages. Failures are indeed not wonderful, but they are unfortunately inevitable and okay when learned from.
Xo, liz

[lbb (Liz)]

Sunday S day.
Pretty tame. Did eat 2 calorie-laden desserts, but avoided snacking (which is definitely my downfall!).
B: oats
L: 2 quesadillas, veggies, dip
D: WW taco soup with fritos on top, salad
S: one whole Toblerone bar
2 chocolate chip cookies (warm) with one large scoop of cookie dough ice cream.
Rich? yes. Delicious? yes.

I think one thing that kinda helped, was not eating my S's alone.
I ate the chocolate bar right after lunch. (almost alongside it).
Then the dessert right after dinner with my kids.
It kinda felt "part of the meal" and let the gates be closed during the rest of the meal times.

Maybe that will help me in the future. No S's not part of a meal time. Just taking away more "oops" to eat.

After all my fails leading up to my S days, I'm grateful to be back to some solid N's this week.

I am starting this Monday another round of 21 days. Anyone wanna join?
Xo, liz

[snapdragon]

I will join your 21 day round!!!!
Thank you for your support on my thread.

[lbb (Liz)]

fail.
i'm not looking for sympathy. no. but simply for an answer!

i hope it's just that i couldn't handle the ice cream and chocolate left over in the house from the weekend.

but it went like this:
b: oats
l: toast, veggie patty, salad with feta, veggie, tzatiki
d: taco soup

the taco soup was super spicy (yet filling). and my boys asked for ice cream after the baseball game. i thought, 'why not let's use it up!'.
spooning it out just got me and before i knew it i had a full-blown binge-o.

but the thing is, i think i wasn't feeling well all day. perhaps a sugar low!?
because after a s weekend+some red days, maybe today i just naturally felt sluggish.

but couldn't accept that and had to load up on caffeine, and, subsequently, too much food. yes. too much by far.

now it's hard to go to bed. why did i rebel?

thoughts in head: oh maybe i should go back to the days where i had a simple small dessert each night.

but some nights it wouldn't be small. most nights.

i even exercised HARD today but i hate the over-compensating of over-doing.

tomorrow is the first day of may.
no more treats in the house anymore.

one thing i've noticed: if i don't LOVE the food i'm eating, i seek out more.
like tonight i didn't love the taco soup, but it was leftover from sunday and heaven forbid we waste it.

i'm almost better if i pick up take-out. even though that's not feasible all the time, but i'm just saying that i would be getting exactly what i wanted.

argh. frustration. but marked, moved on, but straight up confused/disappointed.

xo, liz

[Amy3010]

Oh, Liz, I hear you! Every fail I had the last four weeks made me feel like this, so I know how discouraging it is. I hope you don't let it get you down - just pick yourself up and keep on going. You can do this and you don't have to be perfect!

[Sinnie]

Hey Liz, I'm in the same boat. I haven't had a chance to update yet, but I went on a wild binge last night. Totally out of the blue. It started, I'm not joking, with a bite of a carrot while preparing stew for today. All I needed was to wet those taste buds...I feel the worst today I've felt in a very, very long time. No hunger at all, I ate THAT much. Scary. Not sure where to go from here.

[lbb (Liz)]

Thanks gals for relating.
Well there's nowhere else to go other than to get back on our feet.
Because we don't want to be miserable!
Sinnie:
You're not a'kidding: a single carrot! I think if you just saw it as that and not as a "red" you wouldn't have been in a binge.
I LOVE LOVE LOVE NO S but sometimes I think I accidentally bite something and then think, "oh crap that was a red now I may as well enjoy that darn red...." blah blah blah.

Sinnie I also feel very bloated and I know you do too but it's probably because you were doing SO well and you're not used to that feeling.

I worked out this morning and enjoyed it.

I wasn't hungry for breakfast but ate oats and LOTS of water.

I will make lunch soon, though not too hungry.

The best way for me to pick myself up again is to focus on 3 plates of good food (not depriving, though) that I love and is good for me.

So I'll do just that.

I know I can. I DO believe the more reds you get the harder it is to get past it. It's a confidence thing. WEEKS ago i had no prob at all with N days.
So I know I can do it and so can you guys, Sinnie & Amy!

I'll be posting on my blog (for my purposes) my meals.
Not to be obsessive but it helps me to reflect and say, "I took time to prepare something and enjoy...no need to binge!".

Onward and upward, friends!

[Sinnie]

Liz, I really enjoyed that last post you did on your blog. Very true. I think I need to read that in the throes of a binge.

Maybe we also need some new ground rules for our weaknesses. We both have an issue with wasting food. Like yesterday I HAD to finish the soy milk because it expired that day. Big deal if I had to throw it out, because finishing it with cereal was just as wasted if my body did not need it. Is one thing in life different because the soy milk didnt get thrown out? Is my bank account any different? Is anyone less starving in the world? No, no and no. There is absolutely no good reason to not waste food other than our own consciences. It serves no purpose. I think I need to start practicing throwing things out. I can do it sometimes, but I almost always try to eat it first, freeze it etc.

I am going to try to do vanilla, but as long as I have three distinct meals with no overeating, I will call my day a success. I get fat from snacking. I get skinny when I don't snack. It's so simple!

Good luck my dear - I actually truly believe we will do this with no fails for 21 days. I just have a great feeling.

[lbb (Liz)]

Thanks, Sinnie!
This IS our month. I know it and feel it.

I totally agree on the wasting of food. Having kids it's SO hard. I start with super small portions for them, but sometimes they have leftovers and I hate throwing them out!

And heaven forbid I go buy lunch somewhere when we have food enough in the fridge...NO WASTE!

Ah well. We can do it. May it is!

So today was GREEN!!! Let me hear a whoop whoop!
It could have easily been a fail because I had an event tonight at which there was only chocolate and bread/cheese served.
I hadn't had dinner, so I didn't eat at all (none of that would have been enough of a dinner).
So I just finished dinner at 9:30pm! Yikes isn't that weird? But it tasted great.
I had eaten lunch at 2pm!
It felt good to be hungry again.
I DID take home some chocolate and put it in the freezer for this weekend. It was apparently really good.

So, today! Yes! It's so nice to have a green under the belt.
It sets the stage for the rest of the month!

Tues:
B: oats, 1/3 banana, dab of peanut butter
L: spinach mixed with veggies, tzatiki, turkey, feta, olives
rice cakes (they were sampling them at costco today and i got suckered into buying a bag, because my boys said they tasted good) with hummus
D: pretty much the exact same thing as dinner, but chicken instead of turkey.
Exercise: body pump class. felt great.

NO DIET SODA! I started drinking some herbal tea and had no diet soda in the house. This is huge. I just had felt so bloated from last night that I wanted to cleanse out my body and keep it free from bubbly.

Onward, friends, onward!

[Amy3010]

Whoop whoop, Liz! Way to go green!

Personally, I don't punish myself with a red if I eat one single bite of something while fixing dinner that would have been on my plate anyway - it is too easy to get cornered into that all or nothing thinking and I think at the end of the day it ends up being more negative than positive. Because like you said, if we have to give ourselves a red for the day, then we might as well make it worth it and that just leads to binge behavior on all kinds of stuff, where it could have stopped with a carrot!

I guess I draw the line at anything that is a real sweet, a definite snack outside of mealtime, or any addition to my plate once I have started eating. Then I give myself a red. So far that has been working for me (and I still got 7 red days last month)! Maybe when I get this habit down more solid, I will be able to get more strict?

Good luck for today and stringing together a few greens in a row!

[lbb (Liz)]

Thanks for your support, Amy.
Yes I think that's a good point about not making something completely a red if you nibbled while making dinner...IF it's not a constant habit and IF it doesn't usually send you into a tailspin!
Sometimes I eat a tomato before it's on my salad or things and don't think of it.
But I have to be careful because sometimes I get really "munchy" and it it just a downward spiral!
Know thyself!!

You're right about a REAL SWEET, a DEFINITE SNACK. Now that's for sure a red. WE have to think of the BIG picture...it's about the habits we're creating.

THanks again!

[lbb (Liz)]

Wednesday
Day 2/21
Success!

Exercise: One hour cardio at gym.
Felt good all day.
But "time of the month" came and explained a little bit why the bottom of the ice cream carton was so appealing a couple days ago!

b: oats
l: spinach, cucumber, tomato, chicken meatballs, feta, tzatiki
hummus, rice cakes
dinner was so good
quinoa with pesto chicken and of course i had to mix it with spinach, tomatoes, feta and balsamic vinaigrette
oh and rice cakes fit on the plate with hummus.
needed the crunch.

i'm getting uber full lately and may want to scale down but worry about feeling deprived.
so this works for now.