Everyday Systems

Got through the day in yellow, not red, so I'm proud of myself. I licked the date mush off my fingers several times while preparing some sweet noodle kugels. But I did not bake chocolate chip cookies like I was so tempted to do. Whew.

I am starting to get my resolve against sugar again. It's so bad for me. Just triggers a binge every time. I really don't know how other people, including my DH, can just eat some cake or a few cookies, and then stop. I dont stop until the food is gone or my tummy is nearly bursting. I didn't realize I have a sugar addict brain. Although I do recall as a kid going crazy on Lucky Charms as well as hot, fudgy Poptarts.

The toddler left today and the new family gave us a huge gift basket of chocolates. It kind of annoyed me. Oh well, it's feeding my childrens' sugar addictions. That's one way to distract us from missing her.

No S Diet:
Breakfast: Yogurt, goat cheese, cottage cheese, cornflakes in milk with a splash of olive oil, decaf with cream.
Chicken broth, wings, macaroni, and carrot juice.
Wings again. Noodles. Date mush.

Yes S day tomorrow! DD is coming home. That means I'll be tempted with cookies and popcorn. Not going to stress about it, just try my best to not go crazy.

Enjoy your S Days, Chani. And I mean that. REALLY enjoy them. Savor every favorite food you love. And when your N Days come again, you'll be ready for them.

OMGosh, you are so right, Auto!! Thank you for the reminder that the best part of No S'ing is enjoying my food, and having guilt free Yes S days. Going to relax, smile, have fun, enjoy my family, and cherish this break of having only one foster baby.

sounds like you are mentally in the right place. sometimes that is the hardest part. i feel like once i get thrown off it's a bad few days. i like your idea of seeing it as "yellow' if it's not really bad instead of full fledged red

S Days are yellow on the habitcal -- yellow is a happy, vibrant color for a day to be! Good weekend, chani!

Thanks MJ and JW!

MJ - I read on the No S facebook page a comment someone made that was awesome. If you ran a red light, would you then give up and just run all the rest of the red lights that day? Or for the next few days, too? LOL. That's a good way to look at it, imo.

JW - is there a color for 'messed up a little'?

chani8 wrote:OMGosh, you are so right, Auto!! Thank you for the reminder that the best part of No S'ing is enjoying my food, and having guilt free Yes S days. Going to relax, smile, have fun, enjoy my family, and cherish this break of having only one foster baby.

I love that Chani! And the red-light-quote made me laugh out loud.

How about a sweet peachy color, chani! Yellow for the S with a little red mixed in for the little infraction --

Need to vent here: I am a week late on my period and really thought that I was pregnant. I even bought and took a home preg test. It was negative. I'm now an emotional wreck from that roller coaster ride. On top of that, my kids are being jerks. Why would I want to raise another one anyway?!!

I punished my 14 year old with no computer last night, and he tortured me with his Eeyore-type tantrum. My 17yo DD went out Fri evening and didn't come home for over 24 hours, although I knew where she was, but she didn't call and should've come home. My 19yo DS went off for the weekend with his girlfriend, but didn't call last night, and never tells me when he's coming or going . My other 17 DD got up late this morning and almost missed her bus. The 6yo DD was tired and slow moving this morning and didn't have time for breakfast, because she wouldn't go to sleep nicely last night.

Even the baby is being difficult!

No S Diet:
Breakfast - Scrambled egg and cottage cheese, cornflakes with cream, 2 oatmeal-walnut-date balls. It was a virtual plate, so I weighed and logged the calories. Don't know if that's really necessary though. I ate until I was comfortably full and satisfied. I think the oatmeal balls may be too sweet for No S days, but I plan to eat them up anyway. Grrr.
Lunch - oh gosh, I have to plan two more meals for today?!
Mexican Beef Salad with shredded beef, guacamole, doritos, and salad.
Dinner - no.idea

My Yes S days were delicious! I indulged in 3 pieces of a 60% chocolate bar with fruits and nuts in it. I ate (almost) sugar free chocolate chip cookies, plus the oatmeal-walnut-date balls, and 3 kinds of noodle kugels. I did good and didn't make myself (too) sick. My afternoon snack was sitting down to 5 cookies, guilt free. Very satisfying.

Thinking of you all and so grateful that you're here.

Teenagers. Sounds like they are so considerate of their mother right now. Wait. Stop. My parents say that is the way of life: teenagers do not consider their parents. And the ones that DO consider their parents are probably already laden with guilt-trips, like I was!

On the bright side, I'm glad you're not pregnant.

"Erikson in his well known eight stages of psychosocial development . . . those between 40 and 65 years are addressing “Generativity (making a difference to the next generation) vs. Stagnation (dissatisfaction and lack of productivity)."

This is so me. Stagnating, that is, and wondering how to get generating again.

Thank you Auto for the support. Maybe I should try a little guilt-tripping.
Not sure that I'm glad to not be pregnant. It would certainly clarify for me what I'm supposed to be doing with my life, at least for the next 9 months or so.

Vent away, who could blame you.

I cannot imagine the stress of raising kids today, especially teens and pre-teens.

I am so selfish with my time, I admire those who are sharing themselves with so many others twenty four hours a day.

When I met my husband and we were talking on the phone (I was married 34 years, widowed at the age of 50, met him three years later) - I asked him about his kids. He said he had a 24 year old married daughter and a 19 year old son. He had been divorced for 16 years but always was - and still is - very involved with his kids.

I said, Is the teenager still at home?

He said, No, he works and lives out of state.

I said, Continue

We married a year later, have been married almost a decade, and have blended our wonderful families.

I had my kids very young, he had his in his 40's. So we have kids, grand kids and great grand kids of all ages.

Never feel that you do not have a focus or a purpose. What you are doing is the most important work on Earth. Be kinder to yourself.

Thank you Strawberry! It's so helpful to get support and validation. Can I ask, what do you do with your time? I am bored.

chani8 wrote:Thank you Strawberry! It's so helpful to get support and validation. Can I ask, what do you do with your time? I am bored.

Sure, I am probably boring but never bored.

I work as a legal secretary three days a week (M-W), I volunteer with a senior transportation group, I spend one day a week out shopping/eating, etc. with a group of friends who have gotten together weekly for about 15 years.

I am in a book club that meets once a month, and a group that attends local plays, school productions, etc. when they are happening. I also go on some day trips with a local group sponsored through our bank. Branson, etc.

I live very near my family and see some of them every day or so

We go to church weekly and socialize afterwards, and in the summer there are a lot of revivals and church dinners, etc. to attend.

At home, I help with our horse ranch (if you have time to read the beginning of my daily thread you will see what we have been doing the last five months and learn why I am doing even more of the outside work right now). Today I spent a few hours cleaning up the perennial beds and picking up sticks and dried walnuts before the John Deere makes its annual appearance.

I try to exercise at least an hour a day, I watch Food tv for an hour or so at night to unwind - usually CHopped ! I take a hot bubble bath every night with a good novel and lighted candles with talk radio on in the background. Sometimes wine but not always.

I love to read and mess around on the computer. I also crochet and do a few crafts.

I stay pretty busy

Strawberry, thanks for sharing that glimpse into your life. Definitely full and busy. Quite lovely, too.

I wrestled with myself last night, wanting some chocolate or other snack. I finally just ladled myself a cup of beef bone broth. I drank half the cup and was grossed out by it and went to bed. I think I've had enough broths for awhile. lol

Today is a new day. Supposed to figure out where to take two kitties and a dog to get neutered. The actual surgery will have to wait until Wed, but I need to find the cheapest place to do the job. I wish some place would give me a big discount so that we could keep rescuing these animals (and finding them homes).

Chani, you foster pets too? I feel like I need to hold you by the shoulders, look you square in the eye, and ask, "just what are you running away from with all this busy, busy, busy, busy, busy!!!"?

Auto, I give and give and give and rarely get filled up. Only my husband gives to me, and thank G-d he is such a giver and a doer. I thrive on giving but then my teen(s) slap me in the face (figuratively speaking) with their disregard and disrespect. That drains me and takes the steam out of my sails, the rug out from under my feet.

They don't know how sensitive I really am and how I wallow in any criticism directed at me. DD 17 told me that her insensitive, self-centered and rude behavior is 'genetic' from me. Now that I write that, I'm about to LOL! It hurt me yesterday because sometimes it's true, but she was just trying to avoid taking responsibility for her actions by turning the table and insulting me. She knows my weak spot for self-improvement. Me?? Rude, insensitive and self-centered??? OMGosh, it's true, now I better go work on myself some more! LOL

Got a discounted price for 4 pets to get neutered and shots, but it's still going to cost around $500! Ouch.

Hi Chani,
I think you're doing really well with everyone, even if it doesn't always look it

As for other people giving to you: I once read an article that changed my whole philosophie around this. It basically said: "Light your own ********* candles". It's not other people's responsibility to fill your well. It's yours. When you feel like you're constantly giving and not refilling: start giving to yourself and let other people take care of themselves too. Many of your children seem old enough to do that and you'll be a much more relaxed and nicer role model for it.

Just a thought. But no offence meant at all in case it causes any!!!

You are 100% right Eschano! And I do take care of myself. And for the most part, my kids are good and take care of themselves.

I'm just having a really hard time with one 17yo DD, and it's bringing me down. I feel like I failed with her. She needs boundaries which I hate giving, and then she needs to rebel against those boundaries for whatever reason - to prove that she's a rebel, I guess. It's so stupid, really, and just not a game I want to play.

Oh gosh, babies are so much easier. I better for feed the little guy. At least he looks at me with adoration.

eschano, that is so funny! I'm going to say that to my kids the next time they ask for a refill on their milk during dinner (just kidding, just kidding!)

Oh, Chani, I'm sure you haven't failed her. Weren't you the one just talking about Erikson's stages? She's 17! She's meant to drive you crazy and make you lose sleep for a few years. Actually, she's probably the most strong-willed of your kids. And, hahahahahaha, she probably is the one most like you!

She is 17, her main purpose in life is to drive you crazy.

So, congratulate her on such fine work, smile and do something nice for yourself.

Go for a walk, read a book, call a friend, take a bubble bath, plan a garden, something simple - no or low cost - but just for you!

Because you deserve it.

You have teenagers

*hugs*hugs*hugs* chani I can really relate to what you're going through. My dd is only 10 but she can give me big time attitude and boy does she know how to push my buttons.

It's so hard & it does hurt esp after you've given so much of yourself to them. When they hit their 20s they will come back to us and appreciate us or so I've been told so hang in there. Deep down she loves you with all her heart.

Eschano: I love that way of looking at things.

Strawberry: you made me laugh.

I've decided that this trouble with my teen is all my husband's fault. He put a rule down (you stayed home sick from school so now you don't get to go out with your boyfriend) and she got ugly to him, so I jumped in to back him on it and she got even uglier so we punished (took her phone away) and in the end, she just went out anyway. I told DH months ago not to punish or threaten or try to control her in any way. But he can't do that. My opinion is that she is going to do what she wants anyway, so why fight her, damage the relationship, and make us all miserable? And I asked him, what did he accomplish by all this? It was a big fat fail.

I'm still upset about this, can you tell?

But I do thank you all for your support.

Linda, I do think things get better with these kids as they get older, and that's why I think it's best to not fight them too much now. I used this philosophy on my troubled oldest son (now 19yo) and it worked. Today, he and his girlfriend gave me a necklace and earring set for a passover gift. Wow!

Auto, the laugh is on my DH, because she is very much like him.

Strawberry, you made me laugh. DD doesn't have to do much to drive me crazy, as I'm often on the edge with all this chaos anyway!

Unfortunately, I'm eating my stress. Totally overeating. I'm sitting here at nearly midnight not able to go to bed because I ate too much at dinner. The only good thing was that I only ate three meals today instead of four. But then again, I've been drinking lots of decaf with cream or milk which adds a ton of calories to my day. The fact is, I'm gaining. And if I'm gaining, the least I could do is workout really hard so that I gain a little muscle in there too. But no, I'm eating too much and sitting on my butt too much. Bored, miserable, depressed. Or busy, but not having fun.

DD just came in and gave me a kiss goodnight.

Chani, just read on JW's thread you figured out what the sneezing was - delighted for you!

The jewellery sounds beautiful and what a touching gesture! Wait two years and DD's is going to be there as well. She clearly loves you a lot! What a nice gesture to give you a goodnight kiss!

All that agony and DD wakes up trying to act as if everything is back to normal - hasn't asked for her phone back, though. She joined us for breakfast and fed the baby his bottle. Hummm. I think I'll just relax and enjoy the peace of it all.

Pondering the idea that we've been discussing around here, about goals and success and satisfaction. It really fits in with this midlife crisis thing that I'm going through.

On one hand, I feel a bit like a retiree because I'm married to a man much older (he'll be 62 this year) and he should be retiring, but really, I'm at Erikson's stage of wanting to know what productive thing I should be accomplishing with my life. This idea of not having any real goals but instead doing whatever I want to, sort of fits my life much better than trying to set goals. When we think of retirees, they are just living and doing and being and are able to smell the roses and appreciate and connect with people, no rush, no impatience. G-d has blessed me real good to be able to be a SAHM, which really fits me well for the most part. And what is the best part of being a SAHM? Being there for the people in my care. Combine these two ideas of SAHM and retiree, and eliminate my need for goals and success, and I just might actually enjoy my life, and enjoy my family and the people/babies in my care.

If I could critique myself and my life thus far, it's that my drive to improve myself (and be good/do good/fix things) has gotten in the way of my enjoyment of life. I've made mistakes in the past, at least in my mind they were mistakes, and instead of accepting and moving on, I've gotten so afraid to move on for fear of making more mistakes. Yet, if I look back, no mistake was truly a mistake, it was divine providence and most importantly, I did the best I could at that time. Even if that wasn't always very good, it was, as Dr Burns would say, an expected outcome due to who I am.

DD is mopping my floors.

I relate with you so much chani. Maybe that's why I dreamt of swimming to Israel last night!

I too beat myself up about past mistakes too much. I'm also thinking a lot about the goalless article. I tried it today instead of following my usual rigid schedule. Just wanted to see what I'd do on my whims. Was very freeing but I ended up cleaning out my frig & pantry and baking banana bread! I thought okay if this is what I do when following my passion, clearly being a sahm is the right decision for me.

I did end up doing some crafty stuff too which was great. So maybe we can both learn to ease up on ourselves a bit and see where the wind takes us....

Linda

Linda, I also tried to follow my passion yesterday, and all went well except with the eating. And I see it was the same for you. That's kind of interesting, don't you think? Seems to me that I must keep boundaries and goals when it comes to food. After all, that's why I started No S'ing in the first place. To have simple rules, simple goals. I so much enjoyed baking, and was going to count my (sugar free) cake as dinner, but then my 'passion' just took over and I didn't want to stop eating that darn cake. DH even laughed at me in surprise as he jokingly offered me some of his side of the cake and I took it and stuffed it in my mouth. WTH??

So yesterday was a big fat red day in the food department. It started around 230pm, after a hearty lunch, and when I started baking the cake. I impulsively tasted a few walnuts and took a few extra bites of brown rice. I was full from lunch, but not satisfied for some reason. A bit stressed at the time I think.

OTOH, I had a good day otherwise. A good mood overall. I went for a walk after breakfast and got in a workout at the park. Got some sunbathing in, too.

Made a great lunch of salmon and rice. Ok, I think I felt guilty eating the rice in the first place, like I'm doing something wrong by eating all those carbs. But I had a success in that I took half the amount of salmon that DH tried to pile on my plate. Then I felt a twinge of guilt at the mayo I dolloped on top of it. Basically, I have an unhealthy relationship with food.
And I make myself crazy. I think I'll beat you to the loony bin, Auto!

I am enjoying this idea of a goalless life, the more I think about it. Wow, it takes the pressure off. And really, doing the No S thing without the mod of calorie counting would just be awesome, if I can do it.

Today is a Yes S day:

Menu plans are coffee with cream which I've had already this morning. Decaf, actually. I'm naturally hyper.
No set meals until Family Dinner time tonight.
Planning on a carton of cottage cheese all to myself. Maybe throw in some berries. Would walnuts taste good in that?
Baked sweet potato fries.
Chocolate chip cookies.
A banana.
Dinner is challah, chicken, zucchini, and a GF kugel (trying out some passover noodles).
Tomorrow's lunch will be challah, beef, zucchini, kugel, rice. Lots of carbs, but oh, well.
Dinner will be challah and cream cheese with jelly perhaps.

Have a great day y'all!

hi Chani,
hope things are going well. just stopped by to say hi.

Thank you Auto for stopping by to check on me.

Hi, I'm back. I think.

I fell off the wagon. Gained 15 pounds. Well, 6 of those don't really count, since I went under goal weight. I'm down two already, thank G-d.

If you've ever yo-yo'd then you've got to see this video:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2i_cmltmQ6A

So I finally re-found my motivation. From where, you might ask? Well, I read a blog on MFP and it was about realizing that we're cheating our family with our overeating because fat people are at risk for all kinds of health problems and lazy people don't do fun things with their kids, etc. What I got from it, though, was not about MY health or My laziness, but rather, that I'm cheating my family because when I eat healthy and when I exercise, they do too. It's contageous for some reason. They feel my enthusiasm for fitness and diet and they join me. And I saw, when I stopped, they stopped, too.

So I like helping people be the best they can be, and of course my family is at the top of the list of those who I want to help, so if I want to get them moving and eating well, I've got to lead the way.

The BBC documentary (see link) was relieving but kind of scary, too. So I spent some time pondering it, thinking about solutions. I realized that for me, there are three basic things that I can do to prevent a yo-yo. One, don't go underweight. Two, don't go too low on daily calories (I usually do fine here, but still). And three, have support and accountability.

And I just thought of another one, be very careful around sugar, because it triggers binging (addiction) in me.

Thinking of you all. I hope to catch up on your threads soon. I missed you.

Oh, and the reason I'm back No S'ing is because it puts sanity into eating. I like only eating three times a day.

Goals for today:
Water
Sunbathing
Daily Prayers
Weigth lifting
HIIT
No S Dieting:
Decaf Coffee (out of organic) with 1/2 cup of organic goat milk
Brunch: cottage cheese
Lunch: oatmeal with milk
Afternoon decaf with milk and my afternoon herbs/ginsing.
Family Dinner: Salmon and veggies

edited menu/meals several times

Hi Chani! Glad to see you back, but sad to hear that you have been frustrated by yo-yoing.... bummer.

I totally agree with you about how our healthy habits are contagious for our whole family. When the World Health Organization wants to get families in developing countries to start taking a supplement, implementing any health practice--they know they have to convince the mama. Yep, we mamas hold the health of our entire families in our hands.

So welcome back to moderation. I was cheered to see you here this morning!

So glad to see you back chani !

Thank you, both of you!!

I had a great day yesterday. I almost popped a frozen cherry in my mouth, but I didn't. I've got to break that snacking habit once again. Ugh.

Welcome back Chani! Packed with brilliant insights I see.

Welcome back, Chani!

Thank you for the welcome back!!

I had another good day today. I still sometimes feel a little fear at the end of the meal when I know it's going to be a long time until next meal. But I allow myself a coffee with milk or a lemon in fizzy water in between meals, and that consoles me.

I have a special guest coming tomorrow... my mother! Haven't seen her in two years. She'll be staying for 11 days. We're really excited!

I hope we're all able to keep our eating under control and not turn this into a long party. We've got her b'day this week, and a national holiday next week. Both could be S days. If they are, it will be only to include sweets. But I'll be trying to not take snacks or seconds.

Please encourage me to not take snacks or seconds, even on Yes S days.

No S Diet was green!
Exercise was red hot! 130 glute reps, 80 upper body, 100 jumping jacks.
Some stress, no sunning, but got a nap.

How wonderful that you get to see your mother! Enjoy your visit! Remember that you can always pick yourself up if you have a little slip during her visit. You'll do great!

It's exciting that you will get to see your mom after such a long time! And her birthday in there, too! That's perfect for built-in celebration that's guilt-free.

chani8 wrote:Please encourage me to not take snacks or seconds, even on Yes S days.

I encourage you to not take snacks or seconds, even on Yes S days! Just think how enjoyable it would be to have your sweets as dessert at the end of a meal and leave it at that. You can probably still lose or maintain your weight, even with lots of fun S days with your mom, and you can avoid that bloated or guilty feeling that could come from eating more than you know you need. It's win-win. You can do this!

I really enjoyed having my mom here. The only thing is that I see where I get my ED. It's all about fun. She's a 6 with a 7 wing and feels entitled to have fun. The first part of her visit was a little stressful around food, because my girls and I like to watch our calories. Had I just focused on No S'ing, things might've gone better, but then I probably would've lost it for 11 days of "fun" eating, causing another 11 pound gain. My mom likes to shop and go out to eat and sight see. Every trip out includes some sort of need for a treat. I recall this as a child, too. Going shopping or to the mall meant treats. To this day, I have a hard time not wanting treats when I'm out and about. Staying firm against sugar and watching my carbs really helped. I didn't count calories, but eyed them, and weighed myself regularly to try to keep a grip.

I only started to lose it near the end, when she took us out to eat, twice, to a restaurant that served unlimited Israeli salads (dripping in oil, loaded with sugar). Probably 3000 cals a meal. I gained two pounds while she was here, probably from going to that restaurant twice, lol. My mom resented my trying to watch my weight. And she mocked me when she saw me exercising on her first day here. So I tried to cover up my dieting and didn't exercise the rest of her visit.

Oof. Why did I do that. I even reminded her that she was my first workout partner. We used to go to the gym together. Why would she be against my dieting and working out? Maybe because I'm 15 pounds lighter than she is, so she feels threatened by it? Oh well.

I've joined two exercise challenge groups on MyFitnessPal so I feel really motivated to exercise. I have to get in 180 minutes of cardio and 90 minutes of weight training by Sat night. So far, I'm doing well. I think I'll make it. My oldest DD joined one of the challenge groups with me, so that's kind of fun.

I just want to thank you all for your encouraging words! I'm coming to terms, to really admit, that I have an unhealthy relationship with food and that is why I do best when counting cals, even if just roughly estimating them (I'm good at estimating!).

Count me in for a non vanil No S day. Doing good so far. Calorie plating my meals, and not sitting down at the table like a mentch, but otherwise, No S'ing all the way - no snacking, no seconds, no sweets.

Hi Chani,

thank you so much for your great answer on auto's thread. It helped me to find a better understanding.

I think what annoyed me personally about it (and I can't speak for auto) is that counting bites is what feels to me aggressively advertised by some users as THE solution, not that some people are doing it.

As for your mother's visit: my mother's presence always dis-orders my eating. That's where I got the original bingeing came from - my mothers behaviour as a role model and all her little comments. Jealousy is also a difficult subject. But: she loves me and your mum loves you too. Just don't make her problems yours

Hi chani

Great to see you here & I also really appreciate your honest point of view re: the bite counting thing. I can see how some people might find nos not structured enough. I mean it's all really just a matter of varying degrees isn't it? Whether we're counting plates, bites or calories, the bottom line is it's still restricting.

In the ideal world we'd just eat when we were hungry & stop when we weren't but yeah just not going to happen for most of us.

Anyway I hope you find peace because that's what we all want after all I believe.

Linda

Thank you Linda and Eschano!

Back to No S'ing tomorrow. Had two glorious Yes S days with lots of baked goods because my oldest daughter was home. She can bake and not binge, but I've been stuffing the cookies in as fast as I can. I look forward to getting back on track tomorrow.

Chani, my mom always considered outings an opportunity for a treat too! To this day the idea of going to the movies and not getting popcorn is absolutely unthinkable!

Speaking of movies, Auto, before my mom came, I took my kids to the movie theater for the first time and did not buy popcorn, we brought out own treats. Then Mom took us to see Noah in 3D and bought us the super large popcorn. We shared with the soldiers sitting next to us, so it worked out. And the popcorn here doesn't come buttered, so that also helped.

It was when we went to the mall and she was eyeing all the pastries that was hard. She even said we were depriving her. I told her to just take photos of all the pastries, because they look better than they taste. I was joking, and told her to eat what she wants, not to let us stop her from having a good time. I think we did hinder her fun a bit. But she probably lost rather than gained on this vacation.

Hi Chani

I have just seen your thread for the frst time and I am loving all the interesting things you fill your posts with.

Whew you really have the whole range of kid ages!! I am exhausted with just 2 so not sure how you manage all of yours.

I love your short busts of exercise - great idea.

MerryKat, thank you so much! I would love to chat more and I'll pop by your thread if you have one, to say hi. But probably not until next week. Have a great weekend!