off the wagon

lbb (Liz) · Post by **lbb (Liz)** » Sat Apr 28, 2012 3:50 am

Hi friends.

Just checking in here saying I've failed the last few days and can't quite pinpoint why. Like a rebellion.

I don't have the energy yet to think about it too much, but this is my question:

Anticipating your S weekend, do any of you throw the towel in a little sooner than the weekend, just to "get it over with"? In other words, to soften the yearning for the forbidden?

Today I failed by having a donut with a friend at her birthday party this morning. Which lead to a HUGE RED day....major binge from about 5-8pm.
YIKES. I feel sick.
And tomorrow is an S day.

But I feel a strange relief that I don't feel like any sweets now.
Or never. (But I know that's not the case).

Regardless, I'm going on a walk right now to listen to Reinhard's podcast.

I do believe in this lifestyle, but had doubts earlier this week about continuing (what's wrong with a treat when I'm not trying to lose weight?).

But then I have nights like tonight and days like 2 days ago and realize:
I need this for a reason.

So I'll try and jump back on that wagon riding away....
liz

NoSRocks · Post by **NoSRocks** » Sat Apr 28, 2012 3:59 am

(((((((hugs)))))))))) sorry to hear you've been struggling hon!

Kudos for posting tho and please know that you are not alone.

I think you should enjoy your S Days and not try to over compensate for today, imho. But you do whatever feels best for YOU that is the main thing, hon.

lbb (Liz) · Post by **lbb (Liz)** » Sat Apr 28, 2012 5:18 am

Thanks, Roxy! I appreciate your words.

I'll be fine.
I just listened to Reinhard's podcast about strictness which helped.
Really, I just got lackadaisical this week and suffered in return.

A few notes I wrote down from the podcast:

-When I sacrifice strictness, I sacrifice clarity.

-Punishment is bad. Thinking it's okay to fail because I can pay for failure later. You think you're paying off a debt but you're opening a line of credit. Making u more likely to fail again.

-Fail? Brush off dust, move on.

-How strict? Should I even be strict?
Yes! It builds habits faster. If I'm not strict, it will be harder. Habits are dumb.

(This is good for me. I've made some "I'm above this" statements this week. Turning black and white into grey...and then just straight darkness!).

-Overeating is infinitely complex. So be strict about things that are clear.
Silly rules? Perhaps. But big picture it makes sense.

-Exceptions sacrifice clarity.
(exceptions are what I've made the last few days! no wonder i've had lack of clarity!)

-Success is going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.

-S days are not ones you make up at the spur of the moment.
(like I did today!)

-With lots of input opportunities (re: snacking), it's hard to monitor.
Counting requires an unsustainable amount of attention.

in defense of failure:
Don't wallow in it, but learn from it.

I swerved a bit more than I needed, but I'm not looking back.
Marked and moved on...

ZippaDee · Post by **ZippaDee** » Sat Apr 28, 2012 11:02 am

Good for you! Mark it and move on!! You've nipped it in the bud and that is key. You have not "fallen off the wagon"....you are still here. I really commend you for being here and working on these habits even when you don't have weight to lose! I think that is just awesome! I joined WW for the first time back in 1994. At the time I only had 15 pounds to lose, but I KNEW my problem was bigger than 15 pounds. It didn't take me long to reach my goal weight, but I never "fixed" the real issues that I had with food. I only learned how to make the food behave for me and NOT my behavior. I have continued to struggle for the past 18 years with this. Instead of being 15 pounds overweight when I started NoS I was 70 pounds overweight. If I would have found this sensible plan back in 1994 and truly committed to it...and was strict with it....I would have saved myself a lot of trouble! Kudos to you for realizing the importance of it even without the extra weight!

Have a great day!

finallyfull · Post by **finallyfull** » Sat Apr 28, 2012 1:01 pm

I'm curious about the "I'm above this" statement -- it sounds like it may be familiar to me -- what do you mean? That you, when feeling like breaking the rules, decide that you are above having rules because you are not overweight, or is it something else?

lbb (Liz) · Post by **lbb (Liz)** » Sat Apr 28, 2012 2:27 pm

finallyfull:
I hope that "I've above this" didn't sound snotty. I don't mean it that way at all.
But in reality it means, "oh, come on Liz. don't follow a silly plan. you can do this on your own. the rules don't totally apply to you. be normal and have a donut with your kid. a bite of this and that."

I think I'm easily convinced by others and when I'm on the boards I think "there is no other way to live! this is awesome!".

But in the real world if I told someone about "NO S" (even my husband), they'd laugh or think it's weird.

Does that make sense? I can't explain it well.

But I realized last night any doubts or "in-between-ness" about commitment to the plan will inevitably lead to failure on my part.

I may not need to lose weight, but eating as I have, I'm back on my way up the scales. The yo-yoing of bingeing, restricting, exercising, counting,
CANNOT HAVE A PLACE IN MY LIFE.

ZippaDee:
Thanks for your encouragement. Yes these are habits that need a'fixin'.
I also joined WW about 10 years ago in college with about 15 pounds to lose! You're right: I was stellar at putting together little snack sacs with appropriate amounts/points and taking them to school to eat....staying on plan. I actually remember popping bags of popcorn (2 points!) and taking them to the library. ?
Overall, quantity, moderation and ENJOYING LESS is tough for me and something I'm trying to overcome.
I know a lot comes from me being a bit of a perfectionist in things (common theme, eh?).
Life's too short, though to give ANY credit to bad habits.
I have SO MUCH GOODNESS in my life that to be over-shadowed WHATSOEVER by negative self-talk or habits is just plain old sad.
Thanks, all. Really appreciate this insightful group of people!

Now off to that fun exercise class I was going to miss because I feel too bloated and fat. ...

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Sun Apr 29, 2012 8:00 pm

The only reasons people laugh and think this is weird is that they are either people who naturally eat only what their body needs or they are in denial that they have a problem and that this crazy culture has got them brainwashed.

There are a lot of naturally slim people who seldom snack and there are some people who use similar guidelines just to keep themselves reasonable. When this is totally a habit, it won't seem like you are being unreasonable at all with yourself; it will just be a wise "habit" to use in a wildly UNnatural food environment. Food is meant to take time to procure and prepare and thus is better when shared at common times, not nibbled at constantly, or overeaten just because it's there.

You are on the right track and are refining all the time. That is a goooood sign! Now just keep the wagon going.

lbb (Liz) · Post by **lbb (Liz)** » Mon Apr 30, 2012 12:07 am

oolala:
Thank you for your sound advice and thoughts.
It IS so true that the "normal" is, in fact, NO-S.
What should not be normal is perma snacks, quick meals, daily treats, etc.
It's what has gotten our country in trouble!

The wagon is going and I'm on. I've had a new commitment to No-S as I have had another glimpse at how badly I need it.
It's sanity!
Thanks, L

Christine · Post by **Christine** » Tue May 01, 2012 2:30 pm

Ah, thanks Oolala42 & lbb(Liz) -- your last two posts really are helping me.

finallyfull · Post by **finallyfull** » Tue May 01, 2012 2:30 pm

Liz,

I didn't think you sounded snotty at all -- I do the same thing. I realized what it is, I think: stupidly, I sometimes equate No S with a Diet (okay it's called the No S diet, that's part of the problem) and I know I can't be on a diet all my life, so in my weak moments, when I want a donut with my kid (why does my kid need this donut either?) I tell myself something like "I'm above this." It's just another rationalization, but unfortunately it works on me, or has in the past.

Day 6 and great so far!

rungirl96 · Post by **rungirl96** » Tue May 01, 2012 7:21 pm

Thanks for the post, Liz! I've had a similar experience the past 3 days (weekend spilled over into yesterday), but I'm more optimistic today, and so far having a good N day.

I also did WW back in like 1989 when I was 17. I did lose some weight and then blew it on my birthday. It was like once the "diet" had been broken and I was no longer "perfect" I decided it was better to quit altogether than to keep failing. I do that with a lot of things, so I can totally relate to perfectionism theme.

I really do feel disgusted with my weight right now and how my clothes fit. I'm trying hard not to beat myself up because I know that vicious cycle all too well (feel bad, eat, feel worse, eat). I keep telling myself that No S is not a quick fix, that quick fixes have not worked for me (long term) in the past, and that I need to be patient. I'm also trying to listen to all the great advice on these posts.

Thank you for posting some of Reinhard's quotes from the podcast. I need to relisten to it too! Glad you haven't given up on the plan. And glad I haven't too. I feared I might when I messed up, and I knew it was inevitable that I would mess up at some point. I'm accepting that it's OK not to have a PERFECT HabitCal

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Tue May 01, 2012 8:47 pm

An observation I made on my own experience in the past was that when I felt bad "about my weight," the truth was I often felt bad because I was eating so much that I never got hungry and then ate moderately. I was full all the time. That can happen even when you're thin and is what I think skinny people mean when they feel fat. They're just more full than normal!

In regards to feeling rotten in your clothes, I suggest you go to a thrift store and get a few things that fit comfortably. It's worth it. It has never caused me to grow into bigger clothes. And it's been shown that people move more actively in comfortable clothes. Plus you'll spend less time berating yourself. I don't think it's ever been proved that overweight people eat less in tight clothes. It's possible skinny people do, but I don't think overeaters are put off by such strictures. They pretty much eat through everything except profound grief. I always did.

rungirl96 · Post by **rungirl96** » Tue May 01, 2012 9:13 pm

I actually wear scrubs to work, just about everyday. Now it's because I don't like how my khaki's or jeans fit and it's getting uncomfortably hot and humid here already. I don't particularly like wearing scrubs because I feel like I've come to work in my pajamas, but they are comfortable and I don't have to worry about getting them dirty. Since my weight has yo-yo'd so much over the years I think I have various sizes still my closet. Last summer I was about 10 pounds lighter so it's a bit discouraging to pull out my shorts and remember they were loose last year. I know a lot my body image negativity right now is hormonal. I don't think I've ever felt good about my body during that time even when I was my thinnest. The fat feeling will pass. I'll just keep sticking to No S and exercising until it does. At least that's one habit I do have firmly in place (exercise). It's too bad I've discovered that for me weight loss is about 90% diet and 10% exercise.

Thanks for the encouragement and suggestions!