I'm being an idiot
Moderators: Soprano, automatedeating
I'm being an idiot
Lately I've gone into major binge mode on S-days.
I don't like it. Eating in that way brings back all of those "out of control" feelings. Plus, combined with a few genuine failures (though small ones, mercifully), I've put 5 lbs back on.
At this point, I drop during the week and put it back on during the weekend.
Lot of mental reasons - stress is non-stop. S days are at home, where food beckons, and N-days are at work, where I'm busier and have a stronger routine. Lot of travel, which makes things harder. And so forth.
Whatever the reasons, I need to break this cycle. Some ideas...
- Move S days so one falls at home (but I'm afraid that's setting myself up for failure)
- Define "THE" big treat for each S day. Make it super-special, but only one. (I need to be careful about "feeling restricted," which will only make things worse.)
Any thoughts? I don't keep a lot of junk in the house, but will eat a lot of borderline foods in binge mode "because I can."
I don't like it. Eating in that way brings back all of those "out of control" feelings. Plus, combined with a few genuine failures (though small ones, mercifully), I've put 5 lbs back on.
At this point, I drop during the week and put it back on during the weekend.
Lot of mental reasons - stress is non-stop. S days are at home, where food beckons, and N-days are at work, where I'm busier and have a stronger routine. Lot of travel, which makes things harder. And so forth.
Whatever the reasons, I need to break this cycle. Some ideas...
- Move S days so one falls at home (but I'm afraid that's setting myself up for failure)
- Define "THE" big treat for each S day. Make it super-special, but only one. (I need to be careful about "feeling restricted," which will only make things worse.)
Any thoughts? I don't keep a lot of junk in the house, but will eat a lot of borderline foods in binge mode "because I can."
- ClickBeetle
- Posts: 410
- Joined: Sun Jun 05, 2005 7:28 pm
- Location: North Carolina, USA
- ClickBeetle
- Posts: 410
- Joined: Sun Jun 05, 2005 7:28 pm
- Location: North Carolina, USA
PS The walk should also reduce your stress levels somewhat.
Make sure you are sleeping plenty -- many on here have pointed out that lack of sleep can produce cravings the next day, and in fact it seems that our appetite hormones do get screwed up (I believe that is the correct physiological term) by lack of adequate sleep.
Make sure you are sleeping plenty -- many on here have pointed out that lack of sleep can produce cravings the next day, and in fact it seems that our appetite hormones do get screwed up (I believe that is the correct physiological term) by lack of adequate sleep.
Chance favors the prepared. - Louis Pasteur
To take a leaf from your book . . .
KEEP - S days unrestricted
CHUCK - Anxiety. This is only a meaningless, short-lived blip.
CHANGE - Your thinking. You don't need to "break this cycle". You need to return to the former cycle by doing whatever it was you were doing that made it successful before.
CREATE - Times free of "non-stop stress". It cannot, and need not, be allowed to be non-stop.
Judy
CHUCK - Anxiety. This is only a meaningless, short-lived blip.
CHANGE - Your thinking. You don't need to "break this cycle". You need to return to the former cycle by doing whatever it was you were doing that made it successful before.
CREATE - Times free of "non-stop stress". It cannot, and need not, be allowed to be non-stop.
Judy
Dear KCCC,
It's going to be ok. Really. Take a couple of deep breaths and recommit to the 14 words of the plan. You really CAN do it, and you can keep it up too.
I've said before that I take my S days on Fridays and Saturdays so that I can go out on Friday nights if I want. It's also nice to have one day at work where I can let my hair down, eat a chocolate muffin at my desk, go out for lunch and get the desert, but at the same time the routine of work does limit any "idiocy" quite well.
(I won't lie to you, the first few Sundays were hard. But I think of them as "Spiritual Pushups." If you can stick to the plan on a "home day" you will get through conferences and vacations much more easily.)
On the other hand, I suspect that it doesn't much matter when you take your S's. Somehow you have to find the non-idiot in yourself and come to terms with being free on S days, but not crazy. Eating one plate, but not heaping it to the sky.
But all this is much, much easier said than done. I know that (oh, too well). Stick with it, KCCC. You've been an inspiration to me much more than you know in the past few months.
Zoolina
It's going to be ok. Really. Take a couple of deep breaths and recommit to the 14 words of the plan. You really CAN do it, and you can keep it up too.
I've said before that I take my S days on Fridays and Saturdays so that I can go out on Friday nights if I want. It's also nice to have one day at work where I can let my hair down, eat a chocolate muffin at my desk, go out for lunch and get the desert, but at the same time the routine of work does limit any "idiocy" quite well.
(I won't lie to you, the first few Sundays were hard. But I think of them as "Spiritual Pushups." If you can stick to the plan on a "home day" you will get through conferences and vacations much more easily.)
On the other hand, I suspect that it doesn't much matter when you take your S's. Somehow you have to find the non-idiot in yourself and come to terms with being free on S days, but not crazy. Eating one plate, but not heaping it to the sky.
But all this is much, much easier said than done. I know that (oh, too well). Stick with it, KCCC. You've been an inspiration to me much more than you know in the past few months.
Zoolina
I'm putting on my tough-love face. Stop making your reasons (stress, S days at home, travel and so forth) excuses to fail. Most of us deal with at least some of those issues -- stress and S days at home.
The solution I'd offer to get in control of this isn't changing the routine, but changing something you do. Instead of mindlessly popping something into your mouth, take 10 seconds before and consciously decide whether or not you want to eat it. Take 10 seconds and ask yourself if it's going to get you to your goal -- and even if you decide to eat something, you will know the choice was up to you.
This trick comes from Bob Greene, Oprah's diet and fitness coach, in his book Keep the Connection.
The solution I'd offer to get in control of this isn't changing the routine, but changing something you do. Instead of mindlessly popping something into your mouth, take 10 seconds before and consciously decide whether or not you want to eat it. Take 10 seconds and ask yourself if it's going to get you to your goal -- and even if you decide to eat something, you will know the choice was up to you.
This trick comes from Bob Greene, Oprah's diet and fitness coach, in his book Keep the Connection.
I'm paraphrasing some of it now: If you decide to eat something questionable, then tell yourself, "I am deciding to eat this." That way you will know it is up to you. A good question to ask yourself while you delay your decision is, "How will I feel afterward?" If you choose to eat something, tell yourself what the benefit will be. And if you choose not to eat something, tell yourself what the benefit will be. This is a good way to understand the consequences of your choices. [/u]You create yourself through choice. We should always strive to make conscious choices. But because we get in the habit of making certain choices or we are too lazy to think them through, our choices become merely reactions -- both automatic and impulsive...If you always react to something in the same way, it's a good sign that you need to step back and think before making a choice. You can develop the habit of doing this by practicing what I call the ten-second delay.
The point is not so much to take exactly ten seconds as it is to delay your choice long enough for you to make it conscious. We often make choices in what seems like a split second. I'm asking you to just draw that out a little bit, so that you think before you act. You may find that you make a different choice. But even if you make the same one, you will be more conscious of it...
...The ten=second delay is really an exercise in mindfulness. It forces you to come back to the moment where you are and to think about what you are doing. It can be a tremendous help to you at the supermarket. When you don't allow certain items in your cart, they'll never end up in your home. It's also good to ask yourself why you are buying something. And don't fool yourself into thinking that you're getting it for your partner, spouse or children. If it doesn't fit in with your overall health plan, chances are it won't fit in with theirs, either.
"That which we persist in doing becomes easier for us to do. Not that the nature of the thing itself has changed but our power to do it is increased." -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
"You are what you eat -- so don't be Fast, Easy, Cheap or Fake."
"You are what you eat -- so don't be Fast, Easy, Cheap or Fake."
Hi KCCC,
Sorry you're having trouble feeling good about your S-days...
Here's what I'd advise, more or less in order:
1) redouble your focus on N-days. Your habitcal looks decent, but I don't like to worry at all about S-days if my N-day compliance isn't perfect or close to it, and you're not quite there yet. Besides the calories you'll directly cut out by stricter compliance, remember that those habits really will carry over to the weekends. The stricter you are on N-days, the more automatic your behavior becomes and the stranger essing will feel on S-days. I don't want to knock your efforts so far -- they've been very good. I'm just saying if you feel more is required, this is where I'd start.
2) Actively reward yourself on S-days instead of trying to just wait it out and hoping you don't get too hungry -- do that and you'll wind up eating a ton of stuff you don't even really want. Instead, treat yourself to an ice cream cone at your favorite gourmet ice cream shop, or whatever dessert you most desire. Spend a few dollars. It's worth it. Binging comes from resentment. If you treat your appetite with respect by proactively rewarding it like this, there won't be any resentment, so there won't be any binge. #1 (being stricter on N-days) also helps in this regard, because if you know you really deserve your S-days because you've been so good on N-days, you're not going to be in this in-between state of wondering whether you really should indulge and enjoy (which can lead to resentment).
3) IF you do 1 and 2 and you still find you are having trouble on S-days, maybe consider limiting yourself to a single essey event per S-day. I hesitate to mention this, because I think there is strong potential for backlash, resentment, and real binging if you add too many extra restrictions. But if the status quo ain't working, then I guess you have to take some calculated risks. Do not do this lightly. Really try #1 and #2 first. Maybe even make a monthly formal resolution about them before you consider this one.
Reinhard
Sorry you're having trouble feeling good about your S-days...
Here's what I'd advise, more or less in order:
1) redouble your focus on N-days. Your habitcal looks decent, but I don't like to worry at all about S-days if my N-day compliance isn't perfect or close to it, and you're not quite there yet. Besides the calories you'll directly cut out by stricter compliance, remember that those habits really will carry over to the weekends. The stricter you are on N-days, the more automatic your behavior becomes and the stranger essing will feel on S-days. I don't want to knock your efforts so far -- they've been very good. I'm just saying if you feel more is required, this is where I'd start.
2) Actively reward yourself on S-days instead of trying to just wait it out and hoping you don't get too hungry -- do that and you'll wind up eating a ton of stuff you don't even really want. Instead, treat yourself to an ice cream cone at your favorite gourmet ice cream shop, or whatever dessert you most desire. Spend a few dollars. It's worth it. Binging comes from resentment. If you treat your appetite with respect by proactively rewarding it like this, there won't be any resentment, so there won't be any binge. #1 (being stricter on N-days) also helps in this regard, because if you know you really deserve your S-days because you've been so good on N-days, you're not going to be in this in-between state of wondering whether you really should indulge and enjoy (which can lead to resentment).
3) IF you do 1 and 2 and you still find you are having trouble on S-days, maybe consider limiting yourself to a single essey event per S-day. I hesitate to mention this, because I think there is strong potential for backlash, resentment, and real binging if you add too many extra restrictions. But if the status quo ain't working, then I guess you have to take some calculated risks. Do not do this lightly. Really try #1 and #2 first. Maybe even make a monthly formal resolution about them before you consider this one.
Reinhard
Thank you all. This is so helpful and supportive.
Judy, I am so delighted that you remembered what my online name stands for! And your advice using it is spot on.
Click, exercise and better sleep are good things to attend to. I tend to stay up late to have personal time when I'm stressed, which doesn't really help.
Wosnes and Zoolina, you are both SO right - it's not so much the external situation as much as my internal reactions. I need to find the "non idiot in myself." I know what's going on - I'm over-stressed, and turning to food in full resistance mode. It's almost defiant - "I deserve a treat, so there!" The trouble is that food doesn't really get to the root problem, and eating only adds to stress in the long run. (The intelligent part of me knows this. The resentful little kid keeps falling in the same trap.) I've been so overwhelmed that answering the question "what do I really want?" is stressful in itself - but that's what I need to do. Because food is not the real answer, just the handy/default/old-habit answer. Like Judy said, I need to create some non-stressed spaces for myself.
Reinhard, it's almost funny to read your post, because I've echoed that same party line to others before! But it's right on target. No wishy-washy N days, and a proactive treat on S-days will help a lot. When I was doing best, I actively planned a GREAT treat for S-days, usually something I baked.
So here's the game plan...
- Attend to N-days - no "soft corners" around the habits.
- Plan Special S-day Treats. (No additional restrictions, since I think R is right that that would just lead to more resentment at this time.)
- Look for "other treats" instead of food, and general ways to reduce the stress levels overall.
Thank you all. Will let you know how it goes.
Judy, I am so delighted that you remembered what my online name stands for! And your advice using it is spot on.
Click, exercise and better sleep are good things to attend to. I tend to stay up late to have personal time when I'm stressed, which doesn't really help.
Wosnes and Zoolina, you are both SO right - it's not so much the external situation as much as my internal reactions. I need to find the "non idiot in myself." I know what's going on - I'm over-stressed, and turning to food in full resistance mode. It's almost defiant - "I deserve a treat, so there!" The trouble is that food doesn't really get to the root problem, and eating only adds to stress in the long run. (The intelligent part of me knows this. The resentful little kid keeps falling in the same trap.) I've been so overwhelmed that answering the question "what do I really want?" is stressful in itself - but that's what I need to do. Because food is not the real answer, just the handy/default/old-habit answer. Like Judy said, I need to create some non-stressed spaces for myself.
Reinhard, it's almost funny to read your post, because I've echoed that same party line to others before! But it's right on target. No wishy-washy N days, and a proactive treat on S-days will help a lot. When I was doing best, I actively planned a GREAT treat for S-days, usually something I baked.
So here's the game plan...
- Attend to N-days - no "soft corners" around the habits.
- Plan Special S-day Treats. (No additional restrictions, since I think R is right that that would just lead to more resentment at this time.)
- Look for "other treats" instead of food, and general ways to reduce the stress levels overall.
Thank you all. Will let you know how it goes.
Well, let me know where you find those! LOLI need to create some non-stressed spaces for myself.
But, don't wish for the absence of stress -- the only people without stress of one kind or another are six feet under!
"That which we persist in doing becomes easier for us to do. Not that the nature of the thing itself has changed but our power to do it is increased." -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
"You are what you eat -- so don't be Fast, Easy, Cheap or Fake."
"You are what you eat -- so don't be Fast, Easy, Cheap or Fake."
Re: To take a leaf from your book . . .
That was some awesomely good advice!mondurvic wrote:KEEP - S days unrestricted
CHUCK - Anxiety. This is only a meaningless, short-lived blip.
CHANGE - Your thinking. You don't need to "break this cycle". You need to return to the former cycle by doing whatever it was you were doing that made it successful before.
CREATE - Times free of "non-stop stress". It cannot, and need not, be allowed to be non-stop.
Judy
--david
Well, there's a difference between external events and internal reactions. Absence of stress is probably not feasible, but better ways of coping are.wosnes wrote:Well, let me know where you find those! LOLI need to create some non-stressed spaces for myself.
But, don't wish for the absence of stress -- the only people without stress of one kind or another are six feet under!
And I do KNOW ways out of this kind of mess. The problem is finding the energy to APPLY that knowledge when I need it most... even remembering strategies is hard.
That's where you all come in. Thanks again.
KCCC,
I also have a problem with binging "because life is tough and I deserve it, damnit" And I know what you mean about one part of your brain thinking rationally and the rest seccumbing to the fuzzy logic of treat=nourishment.
At my saner moments I realize that I crave other kinds of nourishment when I'm stressed, but I don't always know where to find these. So one thing I do, and I realize that it's still about food so not entirely what I need, is to really try to nourish myself when I'm eating. That is, to plan special uber-healthy meals that taste really good, like: a greek salad made from fresh organic veggies, no skimping on the feta or oil plus an entree made from lean, organic meats and more veggies (served warm and on a nice plate) and then a favorite fruit (blueberries, raspberries, a perfectly ripe peach, something special) for after.
Once again, this doesn't get at the root of the problem (the crazy idea that food=love), but when I circumvent a sugar binge with this kind of healthy binge, I do feel better, without the guilt of having done something destructive to my body. Maybe a better solution to S day restrictions than trying for "just one S per day"?
I also have a problem with binging "because life is tough and I deserve it, damnit" And I know what you mean about one part of your brain thinking rationally and the rest seccumbing to the fuzzy logic of treat=nourishment.
At my saner moments I realize that I crave other kinds of nourishment when I'm stressed, but I don't always know where to find these. So one thing I do, and I realize that it's still about food so not entirely what I need, is to really try to nourish myself when I'm eating. That is, to plan special uber-healthy meals that taste really good, like: a greek salad made from fresh organic veggies, no skimping on the feta or oil plus an entree made from lean, organic meats and more veggies (served warm and on a nice plate) and then a favorite fruit (blueberries, raspberries, a perfectly ripe peach, something special) for after.
Once again, this doesn't get at the root of the problem (the crazy idea that food=love), but when I circumvent a sugar binge with this kind of healthy binge, I do feel better, without the guilt of having done something destructive to my body. Maybe a better solution to S day restrictions than trying for "just one S per day"?