What is wrong with me??!

[good enough]

Apologies in advance for this desperate message but I am absolutely at my wits end. I have tried No S a couple of times before but couldn't stick to it for long. Each time I would have one snack or sweet and think 'sod it' and throw in the towel. I am very all-or-nothing in my thinking and couldn't bear to check in with red days.

Since my last attempt I have tried intuitive eating (got tired of constantly 'checking in with myself', gained weight) then low calorie again (turned me into a starving angry mean person, got sick of tracking everything). This week I turned to low carb (again!), but after 4 days of choking down greasy eggs I just had a massive binge. Cookies, crackers, every carb in the house has just gone into my mouth. I'm so stuffed and depressed right now I could cry. I'm not even technically overweight but this diet obsession is making me miserable... I have such a destructive relationship with food, it's exhausting.

I don't know why but even after so many failed diets something inside still keeps me coming back to No S. Maybe deep down I know this is the answer, but I'm so scared to try again. Actually I am terrified of failing at this as well (again!). How many more times can fail, and pick myself back up? Am I even crazy to think about trying No S again? I feel like food, weight and dieting is the only thing I ever think about anymore. I want my life back. I just want to be normal!! Maybe I should just try eating 'normally' without a diet, but I'm not even sure what that is!!

Sorry for the vent, I am just so frustrated and exhausted with all of this, no idea where to turn.

Thank you in advance for any thoughts or advice.

[noni]

McQueen, No S is the normal way to eat. That's probably why you keep ditching those diets and returning. I've done the same thing. I find these posters, those new and especially the seasoned ones to have good insight and encouragement. Listen to the podcasts, find answers on these boards.

With 3 plates a day, I find I think about food less often. No snacks allowed? Don't have to think about snacks. No seconds? No need to worry about if I should have it or not because I can't. Sweets? Nope. Not going to think about it until the weekend, when I'll bake something to eat the weekend. It's freeing.

Marking red days bothered me a lot too. So I try to keep them green, but if not, I write on my calendar what the problem was so I can learn from it. Like a mini journal.

I wish you well.

[JayEll]

Here's an idea for you. Start No-S on a Wednesday. Stick with it completely, no ifs ands or buts. You are only three days away from an S-day. Then, enjoy your S-days with no regrets, and think about how good those extras will be the following weekend, after you've been No-S-ing for 5 days.

If it bothers you to check in with red days, don't check in that way. There is no rule about that. Stay on plan... and if you slip up, keep going with No-S as though nothing happened.

Do you know why you eat a snack when you're not supposed to? Is it habit? Is it hunger?

Good luck...

[NoelFigart]

I don't know why but even after so many failed diets something inside still keeps me coming back to No S. Maybe deep down I know this is the answer, but I'm so scared to try again. Actually I am terrified of failing at this as well (again!). How many more times can fail, and pick myself back up?

Reinhard quotes someone (I think in the book, but maybe it's one of his podcasts) that people usually fail about a dozen times before a new habit sticks.

Get back on the wagon and get those failures under your belt so that the new habit can stick!

So what if you fail? You've got years to keep trying. And listen to the What the Hell effect, the latest podcast. It's got some good stuff for people who throw in the towel after a single screw-up.

I say this in total symapthy, understand. We get so damn many stupid messages about eating, but yeah, a set number of meals a day IS normal. It's just that the crazy has become the new normal.

[good enough]

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply, I really appreciate it. I knew if I came back here someone would talk some sense into me and I was right!

I think I have failed on No S before because I have been dieting my whole life and I’m stuck in that mentality – I was seeing No S as another diet, either being ‘on’ it or ‘off’ it. I resented even the mild restriction of the plan because I was (am) totally fed up of being told how to eat. I have been ‘diet hopping’ for maybe the last 20 years (I’m 33). I also struggled with even the slightest hunger on No S, which has associations of 800 calorie diets for me so would make me rebel and binge.

But of course you’re right, No S IS ‘normal’. It is not normal to snack all day just because I want to, or to starve and binge - which is what I have been doing. I weighed myself this morning (after my carb-fest last night) – 133.6. Looking at my old posts here this is exactly what I weighed 2 years ago. How sad that I’ve wasted another 2 years of my life putting my body through hell for nothing. I’m 5’6â€, I do know on some level this is not actually fat. It’s not the 115 I wish I weighed, but it’s an average, healthy weight. I think I have finally realised I don’t need to lose weight, I need to gain self-esteem!

So I am taking your very good advice. In fact, I am starting again today. Yes it’s Friday but it still counts I don’t even care if I fail. I’m going to start a check in thread and keep at it, even if I fail every day for the next 6 months. This time I’m not going to even try to lose weight, I’m just going to aim to eat in a moderate way that makes me feel good. I will look through the threads and podcasts, read the book again and learn from my mistakes. This is such a sensible, supportive community and I’m so glad to be part of it again. Thank you!

[wosnes]

I think I have failed on No S before because I have been dieting my whole life and I’m stuck in that mentality – I was seeing No S as another diet, either being ‘on’ it or ‘off’ it. I resented even the mild restriction of the plan because I was (am) totally fed up of being told how to eat.

I think No-S is probably the only "diet" that is a universally recognized
lifestyle or "way of eating." It's a way of eating for a lifetime.

[Nicest of the Damned]

I resented even the mild restriction of the plan because I was (am) totally fed up of being told how to eat. I have been ‘diet hopping’ for maybe the last 20 years (I’m 33).

I resented the hell out of No S for not letting me eat until I was full at meals and not letting me snack, at first. I would feel so angry about not being able to eat as much as I wanted. It took me right back to living with my parents and being forced to go on whatever weird 80's diet was the flavor du jour in our house. I lived with those angry, resentful feelings the best I could, and you know what? Eventually, they went away (it took a couple of months before that wasn't happening any more). Some violent video games helped to vent those feelings. You're not the only one who has ever felt angry or resentful about any kind of limits on your eating. Does it help you to know that?

Did I have failures in those first few months? Of course I did. Everybody does. There are three kinds of No S dieters- newbies who haven't had their first red day yet, people who have had red days and will have them in the future, and liars.

Remember, resentment, anger, and a bad attitude toward No S are not failures. The only possible way to fail at No S is to eat something. No other thought or action counts as a failure. If you manage to not eat sweets, snacks, or seconds, even if you're cursing under your breath the whole time, that's a success.

[oolala53]

I just want to say that if for nothing else, you will do well to accept No S just because of the obsession. For one thing, I am also 5' 6" and I have not weighed 133 since I was a freshman in high school. I don't ever expect to get there again. So it is good that you see that weight is not the issue, though media images might make you think otherwise. But this habit will not likely go away. Mine didn't for nearly 40 years and I got up to 200 lbs. for a short time.

Eat full meals and allow yourself milk or juice if you get legitimately hungry between meals. No other reason is worthy of eating, though as others said, you will slip. How you eat in the beginning is not how you will eat in a year. And do think of it in year increments.

This is as much a ticket to freedom as anything that's out there. Give yourself the gift of this habit.

[good enough]

Thank you so much for your comments...

Wosnes - that is what gives me hope about NoS, the fact that it IS sustainable, and there are people like you around to prove it! It is so encouraging to me to 'recognise' names I remember from 2 years ago - makes me think maybe that could be me one day.

Nicest - I love what you said about resentment not amounting to failure. I have a feeling I will be doing some serious internal kicking and screaming in the coming weeks, and it definitely helps to know it's all part of the process!

Oolala - Thank you. I really think you're right about freedom. I actually like structure and for me eating whatever I like, whenever I feel like it would not actually be freedom at all. I need to reclaim my sanity and this is the best way I can think of to do it right now!

Thanks again all, you have helped me more than you know.

[sarahkay]

The resentment sounds SO FAMILIAR! I struggle with that too. I try to remember that eating whatever, whenever doesn't actually feel good... at least not more than once in a while. Which is what S days are for, right?

Hang in there! I finally got three green days under my belt after a month of really struggling, and I can't tell you how great it felt. And I was still eating delicious food!!

Hang in there!

[good enough]

Hang in there!

Thank you! I will do my best!

[CSweet]

I know this thread is here to encourage the McQueen, but it has sure helped me also.

[Blithe Morning]

Here's the thing. The only way to fail at No S is to quit. Unlike other diets which measure success in pounds, No S measures its success in compliance. As long as you keep coming back, you are successful.

I have been complying with varying degrees for years. When I am strict vanilla, my weight drifts downwards (not plummets or even drops). When I am non-compliant, it climbs back up.

This past winter I was non-compliant due to a variety of factors I haven't quite figured out. But now that summer is here it's so much easier. I don't know why. More sunshine? More activity? More revealing clothes?

Work it, baby, work it.

[Nicest of the Damned]

The resentment sounds SO FAMILIAR! I struggle with that too. I try to remember that eating whatever, whenever doesn't actually feel good... at least not more than once in a while. Which is what S days are for, right?

If your problem is wanting to eat too much at meals, like mine was, it might be helpful to think about how you feel after you eat a huge meal. You feel stuffed about 20-30 minutes later, and that doesn't feel so good, now, does it?

This probably won't make the resentment go away, though. The resentment comes from a part of your brain that doesn't work on logic and reason, it's more instinctive than that. I have heard it described on this board as the "tummy toddler". Like a toddler, it wants what it wants, RIGHT NOW, and you can't really reason with it. But also like a toddler, it can't be allowed to do whatever it wants whenever it wants, because that's not good for you (and therefore for it, since it's part of you).

The resentment does go away, but it takes time for that to happen. The worst of it for me was in the first couple of months.

One thing that can help is to keep your expectations reasonable. Don't expect quick weight loss, or to adapt to new eating habits overnight with no resentment or screw-ups. Habits just do not work that way. If you expect them to work that way, you're going to get frustrated, and it's not going to help anything. That would be like dropping a glass and expecting it to hover in front of you, rather than falling down, and getting upset with yourself or with the glass when it doesn't do that. Or, to keep going with the toddler analogy, it's as if you had let your toddler eat only junk food, decided that you were going to try to get him or her to eat healthier food, and expecting the toddler not to complain about the change.

You're changing your eating habits. That's a hard thing to do. It just is. Don't beat yourself up over it if it doesn't come easy- it doesn't for the vast majority of people who have ever tried it.